My Thoughts

Gods Answer to a my Prayers

2009-06-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

God’s Answer to a my Prayers through a very evil situation
Updated 12/22/09

As I noted briefly in my biography page at my website that in February 2009 our family suffered from a VERY horrible set back that had its roots in what brought us to Oregon in the first place (in fact messages through Google Blogger that were eerily similar to the false charges brought came in Sept. of 2009). I will not go into the details other than to say many persons were down right evil in how they responded to severe issues my family (& daughter in particular) suffered from and acted on blatant lies. See this post for more about one contributor to this evil brought upon my family: My Opinions; DHS, DCS, CPS Abuse of authority

Anyway, the purpose of this post is not to go into the details or the negativesof what happened (of which I will only share with those close to me), rather the positives that this has shown me (this does not mean I am going to forget who did what, as God asks us to forgive, but trust is earned. See this verse as well, Matt. 10:16; "See, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as cunning as serpents and as innocent as doves").

As I have noted in other posts (& readers can choose to believe this or not, but many around me over the years have confirmed this), I have always been spiritually open to both prophesy/ premonitions from God and as well Satan’s minions giving me very dark dreams and premonitions and visions as well (of which I work hard at ignoring my giving these over to the Lord). This has resulted in many visions that I have seen that have both been awesome in their Godly truth and horrifying in their demonic evil. As a friend I knew back in 2005 observed that I had one such evil premonition when in So. California during a business trip where she accompanied me. This and another dating as back as 1991 both pointed towards what would happen this dark and stormy February night.

Where God/Jesus answer to prayer comes in is that I have been praying for God to release me from bitterness, fear, and more (this bitterness and fear is the result of the cruel and evil incidents throughout my life), as well (& probably more significant), I had been praying for God to show me through others his Love for me and my family as I have felt so very abandoned by others, especially Christian friends that have truly abandoned me. This night in particular, I was returning from LA for my monthly business trip, yet I could not get the feeling out of my head that something was really wrong.
As the day progressed to evening and I entered the mountains north of Redding California, I entered what was arguably the worst winter storm along this part of Interstate 5 in a decade (it took 6 hours to progress on a section that normally takes less than two hours). After passing many accidents (even 4WD vehicles were crashing do to the VERY heavy snow and total white out), I say a vision that is similar to one I had in 1991 on this EXACT section of highway (this same “character has appeared before in other visions), that told me my family was gone!!

Shortly there after two friends called my cell phone to see how I was (one whom felt a compelling need to call me at this time). I did not tell them what I saw as I was trying to not let these types of dark visions over take me. I personally believe God was already at work at this point with these calls.
As I very slowly got closer to home the fear of something wrong grew unbearably difficult to handle, then as I finally was within a block from home I was over taken by fear that something was really wrong and this was realized moments later when I saw my wife’s car gone (& realized my family was missing). I saw visions/"darkness" in the driveway that I cannot speak of other than every failure in my life was immediately brought before me, "it was over", and much worse. I could not even pull much more than ¼ of the way into my driveway as what I saw scared me so much.
I jumped out of my truck & collapsed in panic, based on fears and real facts of what could have happened (my daughter has expressed fears of nightmares as well that she/we would be murdered by the cause of our move to Oregon, as well threatening emails had been sent of late).

This is where God stepped in, via others (not the way I had prayed, but God works in ways best for us, not what we desire). I did not know that my brother in law Cary and my Sister Jan were waiting outside and immediately picked me up and attempted to comfort me. I do know if I could have even made it through this first night if they were not there and had taken me back to their home to care for me.

Later (much within 24 hours) as more came out about what happened, I saw an outpouring of Love and care from my church that I never had experienced before.
Persons came forward from church (even those I never would have guessed or expected to do this, which shows how I should not judge) to comfort me and help remedy what happened to my family. This included a court hearing to remedy the lies and downright evil that was brought upon my family, where the court room was filled with those in my support.
As well may verses were brought to me either by others or directly from God, in particular this verse was brought to me while in meditation and prayer (I have read it many times before, but its application to me was never clear until this point); Philippians 4:4-9; 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

In summary, there is still much healing to go, as well many who allowed or brought this evil upon my family have yet to come clean, however for me it has brought about a peace from God that he truly is there during mine and my family’s darkest moments. I have been better able to let go of bitterness and realize that there are persons that God works through, and this not only includes the many here in my local proximity, but as well the many internet friends, especially from members of Everything Aquatic such as John L. (& many others, so please forgive my not mentioning all) that sent VERY moving and touching testimonials to help me through this.
Fear still troubles me much, but I have now realized how God/Jesus works in my life, and often not in ways I would prefer, but in ways that makes me grow more as a servant of His and my family. I saw how my kids were deeply hurt, yet my son Timothy and middle daughter Danielle both have expressed how much our family means to them after this incident (Michelle is still struggling deeply as of writing this post, but she was the most harmed by the previous incident back in LA and deeply suffers from fear and abandonment issues, whether real or imagined).
My wife also had an epiphany that made here realize her part in our family and what she had done. I do not know what happened in how God brought this to her, as she is still struggling and feels she will tell me and others (other than her counselor) when she is ready.

Where is God/Jesus in Harmful Rumors

2009-12-21T12:36:00.001-08:00

Where is God/Jesus in Harmful Rumors; Often Perpetuated by Christians (or those claiming to be Christians)?

I also have a related post from this blog from almost two year ago:
“The Triumph of Evil” How others believe rumors and look away from wrongs where I reference my favorite secular quote:
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

This is a question I often ask myself, sometimes when deeply depressed in makes me question God himself, although I know full well that God/Jesus is not at the root of this problem that has so deeply hurt my family many times over the years.

Although it is clear from reading the bible in context that God expects all Christians to be his ambassadors here on earth, however we often fail him and then others in failing God.
The Book of Job is a clear example where so-called friends of Job falsely accused Job and eventually were judged by God for this.
Often it is Christians that do not truly seek God’s Word or follow his clear directions about loving our Neighbor as our self, however the Bible is also clear that sometimes there are those among us who pretend to be Christians and are actually “wolves in sheep’s clothing”. In fact Matthew 7:20 makes it clear: Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

A good example is a person that constantly spread rumors about me and another good friend I worked with, I found much evidence (including others who came forward) that eh was the primary source. Even today, he hides behind a banner of claiming to be a Christian, yet has yet to come forward to “set things right”. As well comments about others (including our ex-president Bush) show his either hatred for those who are persons of conviction, or simply his ignorance. Sadly those around him fall for his charismatic personality (this guy could sell air conditioners to Eskimos).

For me and others he and those he has convinced by his false Christian rumors it has made our walk with the Lord stumble, often during difficult times, not that we should get our self esteem from others, but as I noted earlier that other Christians are the mouth piece of Good (see the parable of the Good Samaritan, Luke 10: 25-37).

Sadly this person and a good friend he convinced knew some of what I and others he trashed had been through, but that did not seem to count in the end. As well while his then fiancé may have known some of “my story” they still in reality knew little and much of what I feared in premonitions came through in an unspeakably evil way in February 2009, but to him this was simply an inconvenience.

Of coarse I am not without blame either, as I saw through him immediately, but for the sake of his fiancé supported him when (as his then boss) should have fired him as it was not only was obvious that he was a “pot stirrer”, but simply a lazy employee that often would pass the buck for his own mistakes (later he constantly attempted via different methods to trip me up with upper management and other employees). This mistake on my part in the end not only bit me in the butt personally, but also hurt my employer and another friend that worked there as well.
So the lesson for me is to trust in the Lord and always see the best in others and help them as stated in Matt. 10:25-37, but to also trust the discernment the Lord gives me and realize that it is not I that can help fix things/others, but the Lord working through me (with an emphasis on the Lord first and me second).

One might ask; Why am I still bringing this up or hanging on to this hurt?
This is a good and a fair question.

For one I have followed the precepts of Matt. 10:25-37 for much of my life (even before accepting Christ as my Savior). However I have been much maligned, sadly mostly by Christians (or those who claimed to be). This has simply been a battle for me much of my life and since the Bible is clear as to as to how he expects us to act to others if we are truly his, it still leaves me scratching my head and struggling at times with my Christian walk.
As with Job’s friends I know God can also speak to us directly (or send a messenger as with Nathan the Prophet in exposing David’s sin in his affair with Bathsheba and having her husband killed), so the fact that he and others around him have been so cruel in their behavior leaves me rather dry.
I know that God can move us in this way from my friend Bob M., who I renewed friendship that started in LA after God clearly spoke to me that he needed a friend/comfort (I did not even know his phone number, however God provided this to me and upon calling him I found out that his 49 year old wife was dying of cancer). He since has returned the favor when the Lord moved him to call me that very “dark” night in February.

My point is that I know from Bob and others (including a counselor from my church) that while I need to give this up to God, and as well last February 2009 was also proof of who my friends were with letters/testimonials coming in from Los Angeles, the internet (mostly from those I have helped in forums), and from a few others here in Grants Pass (including my other friend that was hurt by this man and his fiancé for believing his lies, sadly she was the only one outside my church and sister/brother-in-law in Grants Pass that felt this pull from God).
What is even more amazing when you consider all the “bullets” I took for this couple, that during this of the highest need of my family from the support of friends that knew the truth, a person that really only knew of me from going to the same church (she ran the daycare) felt the pull of God to find out more about me and to come forward to tell these persons in authority that they were wrong and needed to look at the facts as she did when god called her to investigate this and come along beside me and my family.
Where was this couple during this time???
Sadly she even “un-friended” me at MySpace shortly after this time (for reasons I can only guess considering how her parents “diss” me and my wife and it is obvious that she has run even further from hearing God and knowing the truth and possibly even believed this horrible evil against me and my family). So she obviously went the other direction than others, and considering their Christian claims while many that wrote testimonials were not even Christians (such as a Buddhist lady that was one of my largest clients in LA after learning of this from Gregg my old stores service manager as well as my ex-brother in law who knew my true character). In fact she met some of these persons when I re-established my business contact in a trip to LA where most went out of their way to meet with me as they respected me and my character (which makes her belief in her fiancés character assignation all the more difficult to understand considering their Christian claims)

I guess all I ask is that someone will step up to the plate and listen to God and the truth and let them know how much they are hurting me and my family (my oldest daughter is also VERY confused by their cruel actions).
An apology here as well as listening to what the truth is would certainly go a long way.

Triumph of evil; How others believe rumors and look away from wrongs

2008-01-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

Updated 12/19/09

Also see my related more current post dealing with this subject:
Where is God/Jesus in Harmful Rumors; Often Perpetuated by Christians (or those claiming to be Christians)?

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

This quote by Edmund Burke is a favorite of mine and is seen at the end of Tears of the Sun (starring Bruce Willis), which I find to be a very inspirational movie

I believe this not only applies to the evil of nations/terrorists etc but also applies to the evils that can harm us or our families in ways that may not necessarily result in death (although considering what has happened to us this certainly has approached it).
This means looking the other way when a program such as Food Stamps is not providing for those it is designed to help yet gives aid to those not truly in need.

In my case my family has been through some major battles with an autistic son, a daughter who was “harmed” by a man that took advantage of my wife during a nervous breakdown brought on by more that she could handle (as well as post-partum depression) and currently by vicious rumors MOSTLY circulating in the local Christian community about my so-called failures to provide for my family and much more 9sadly most these persons know little of what I quietly done for others as I do not advertise it and most of what gets into the open comes for judgments with no basis in fact). These rumors have crippled my business and we can no longer provide for our family. YET when I have confronted others that have allowed these rumors (or in the case of the harm that could have been stopped upon my daughter or the judgments upon my son), these person have verbally chosen to look the other way and hide behind “trust in the Lord”.

I know for a fact that persons at my Church in West Covina chose to look the other way while the affair went on and while my family was brought to financial ruin by the spending spree of my wife and her “friend” (heck, we had to leave my business, home, and life behind to live in a Motorhome for 18 months for the safety of our family, not one person from this church bothered to wish us good by, unlike when others would leave, this was unspeakably evil IMO).
Later after she finally recovered she lost it again after my son was kicked out of Church for essentially having autism. Here is a quote by the Tammy in the nursery: “All the Strohmeyer children have problems and are mean and have bitten my child” (Tammy in her husband were down right cruel towards us and had no understanding of Christ’s love).
First of all I secretly watched as her son tormented my much younger autistic son, second my middle daughter is extremely sweet natured (although dyslexic). After this so-called meeting, my wife would then listen to this man once more and believe what he said about the Church (that she should not be there) resulting in my daughter’s abuse at this point in time, to which these persons have her “blood” on their hands.
This previous post deals with this more: Does doing the right thing really pay in life

I am now in community that believes that I am a failure in business do to my moving here to escape from these influences and leaving my business in the hands of others without my best intentions at heart. This rumor is also based on my dropping my largest account (the Bahooka Restaurant) to support an employee that was being sexually harassed by a new owner there, but this was looked at both then and now as a failure due to the hard financial hit we took. Thankfully this employee respected this and although he did not agree with my move to Oregon, supported me and recognized that I at least attempted to always do the “right thing” in business or on a personal level. This included how I only sold products that I thoroughly tested (often using scientific control methods). We still meet when I go down to LA for products to discuss new aquarium/pond products and testing (such as LED Lights or the use or replacement of products such as Twin Tube UV Bulbs & Straight Lamp UV Bulbs).

Back to my treatment by the local business community; When I confronted my previous employer as to my treatment due to these rumors (I was basically treated like I knew NOTHING about business despite many years experience including college and positive feedback that this is where my aptitudes lie), it was thrown back in my face and persons with far less abilities and credentials were verbally paraded to me which made me feel really small. Also other persons were mentioned by him and torn down that I have supported in many ways (most in quiet, not looking for recognition other than the Lord). Yet I have continued to fight these lies about them, all the while these same persons have said and spread very vicious lies about me.

Another rumor is that I am a pervert based on taking in an employee and her family before we moved here to help her & her kids with her housing and other “home issues”.
I had no interest in her, heck I was a virgin until I was around 27 and have been hurt by girls in my youth to the point that I am easily pushed around by them, far from any interest in “scoring”, not to mention anyone with any honesty knows I have NEVER looked at woman as conquests (& ANYONE who knows me inside knows this, including my counselors such as Bob 1 (who I still meet with in his new home in the Central Valley of CA during business trio to LA), Bob 2, and Roger).

In this town similar rumors (spread mostly by a vicious “troll of a man” named Kenny) have circulated based on helping a young lady that was thrown out of her home (sadly here I tried to keep her with her family/father, but this too went unappreciated and worse). She herself apparently seemed to believe these as she began treating me like an idiot later and believed lies spread by another person who was clearly a false Christian (See Galations 5:22 & especially Matthew 7:20 shows how we can spot false Christians by their fruit). What she did not know or refused to know is that I was well aware of his rumor spreading as many others told me of his lies and I personally caught him trying to trip me up at Cary’s of Oregon by checking inventory on a Sunday, and he obviously switched inventory to make me look bad to upper management.
Admittedly one of my faults is to “continue to take it” until I have had enough and then finally get mad in a less than professional/adult manner (I am working on this fault/weakness with prayer and Steven’s Ministry Counseling), in this particular case I did just this after having “enough” of being made to look stupid and questioned about everything including trying to put an end to an new male employee (Steven) that was being treated horribly by another female employee (Chelsea). This girl (Chelsea) admitted in meeting with upper management that the person that was spreading false rumors about me was also emailing her with BS about me.
Despite my being correct (as per others at this workplace and my counselor) in being upset with this treatment and the lies being spread, I still should not have “yelled” at her and later apologized, although it is clear from Myspace and other places that this apology was sadly never accepted (so much for showing Christ’s love huh?).

What is also interesting is that many of the persons I have helped with shelter and finance have been men, but since I do not parade this around (or any of the times I have quietly helped others as the Bible commands to do in secret) it is easily ignored.
Matthew 6:18 clearly states: "so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
My point in referring to this verse is that most persons seem to look at my rather uncharismatic personality and judge me by this, rather than what is truly inside, not even knowing what I have done or truly been through since I try and keep the majority of my acts of doing what God commands in Luke 10:25-37 a secret.

I just posted a new web page on our towns local forum to hopefully attract some local business (I have only had ONE sale locally in three years), all that I got was criticism, much of it was incorrect when I checked my sources that new more about some of the subjects I was being criticized for. Basically it was the same old thing of talking down to Carl which dates back to the 4th grade

I will sum it up (I could go on and on with many more examples) by saying that “Trusting in the Lord” is great and I really need to pray more and beseech the Lord’s help here, but people are God’s mouth pieces and as the quote states this evil that is following my family will not stop until others stand up for what is right.

One more point as a comment to those who say I should be trusting in the Lord and that I look for evidences of his love in the wrong places, I have this analogy: “If I read and am told that the Moon is a sphere yet every time I look up at the night sky see a Moon that is a cube, what am I supposed to believe? My point is the moon is obviously a sphere and as well I (& others) should be trusting in the Lord, but when all we see is failure and get slammed by those who should be looking for the truth, what is one to think (in other words all I see is the moon as a cube)

For another relevant post to this one please read this post: Does doing the right thing really pay in life

Justification vs. Sanctification

2009-11-29T13:56:00.001-08:00

Justification vs. Sanctification OR Grace vs. Works

This is a subject that in my lay experience seems to cause much confusion and not only among Christians but along those “seeking” and those who have struggled or have been judged by others much in life.

I have seen many non-Christians or struggling Christian (such as myself) turned off by hard line beliefs of many Evangelical Christians that often miss the context of the Bible and many verses and only seem to understand Justification/Grace, but miss Sanctification and the works that pour out from Grace.

On the other side, many Christian and non Christians do not seem to understand the importance of Justification/Grace coming first.

First I will Start with What I feel is a misunderstanding by many Evangelicals and Charismatics:

I will start off with what I feel the Bible as a whole is clear on and that is we all born with a sin nature, have free will, that Jesus is the propitiation for the sins of the ENTIRE world, and that as true believers in heart (not head belief) this will show in our works (which may vary from hidden to easily noticed).
The last one and possible two is where many Evangelicals (at least those I have met or listened to sermons to) seem to fall short

Often many Evangelicals seem to only seem to preach from Paul’s writings/Scripture, and miss how the Book of James lays out the importance of proving Justification via works.
As well, one of my favorite verses from Luke 25 (the story of the Good Samaritan) outlines in absolute clarity in my opinion how justification of Loving the Lord God with all your mind Heart and Soul is followed by the sanctification of “Works”
See my previous post where I quote the parable of the Good Samaritan:
Standing For Truth

I recently heard an excellent Evangelical pastor state that Isaiah 64: 6
(All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.) is proof that God thinks little of our works.
HOWEVER in reading many commentaries of this verse, not to mention noting that many non-Christian struggles with this verse in the way many Evangelicals interpret it is clear to me that this view is out of context.
The context is that of God’s people (& possibly non believers as well) who have engaged in sin and have more of a mind belief in God rather than a truly saved Justified acceptance of God’s Grace (through the finished work of Jesus) and think that their works can set them right in God’s eyes, which of coarse they cannot.
(See this page webpage for the whole chapter: Isaiah 64 (New International Version))

Even in one of Paul’s Epistles (Galatians 2 (New International Version)) where is clear that to me how God vies us vs. how man views us I see one missing aspect of this passage in its message. In the passage Paul is condemning Peter for separating himself from the Gentiles.
What is missing from some interpretations IMO is that Peter is being in part criticized for his separation from the Gentiles for reasons of IMAGE, which goes back to the story of the Good Samaritan where many might look the other way for the sake of image.
I can say from my life experience that this has hurt me and my family considerably and this problem continues to this day in our life where image is more important than Sanctification via works, but then why would many not think this way when many have the incorrect view (IMO) of Isaiah 64?

Often judging is from looking externally by others who are very image conscience; however often trials are allowed by God (see the Book of Job however I also believe since we were not created to be “robots”, often it is simply chance as Ecclesiastes 9:11 shows:
Ecclesiastes 9:11 I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

This is where many in Pentecostal/Charismatic Churches stray in my view and again cause those of us both Christian and non-Christian to struggle

It is also noteworthy that the Book of Job states this: "he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil", which does not mean his works have saved him, but God certainly gives him credit in the same way as Jesus tells the story of the Good Samaritan

Where many Christians miss the importance of Justification/Grace first over Sanctification:

I heard a message from my own Pastor from Jeremiah 33:14:
'The days are coming,' declares the LORD, 'when I will fulfill the gracious promise I made to the house of Israel and to the house of Judah.

15 " 'In those days and at that time
I will make a righteous Branch sprout from David's line;
he will do what is just and right in the land.

16 In those days Judah will be saved
and Jerusalem will live in safety.
This is the name by which it [c] will be called:
The LORD Our Righteousness.'

He made the point of how we are all stewards of Christ’s and are to provide justice in this world.
However from my reading while I partially agree, I think these verses are more pointing to Christ’s second coming and we will all fall short due to our sin nature, furthermore I feel this view could lead some to believe that our works save us when Justification comes before Sanctification.

Again I will quote Ecclesiastes:
Ecclesiastes 7:20 There is not a righteous man on earth
who does what is right and never sins.

I think it is important to show our love for what God/Jesus has done for us by utilizing our God given talents to help others, I just think it is important to show this should be God centered as a Justified believer first, as well justice does not only come from helping those in need, but by also standing by those being judged or treating in evil ways by authority which I am sad to say I think my own Pastor missed this point (based on actions I have seen him take as to my family that I will not mention here).

I will also add from my reading of these verses in Jeremiah and commentaries about it, as well the bible as a whole is that only Jesus will bring true justice into the world upon his final return, and although believers can certainly do their part in bringing about justice, we has imperfect humans will not always succeed. That does not mean we should not try, but we should seek justice by seeking the Lord first (which is often missed IMO by those taking a more humanistic approach) and as well opening our eyes to the truth about others (which is often missed by those taking a more Evangelical/Baptist approach in my experience).

Standing for Truth

2008-02-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

Standing for Truth.
Updated 10/28/09

Originally this is a follow up to my last post that I felt I needed to write, in part as I read in the business news about the Microsoft bid for Yahoo in which I see this love affair with Google that is totally off base (please see this article: “Google Love Affair”)

However more so based on my understanding of the Bible while others try and force me to be whom I am not all the while looking the other way about the real truths of who I am, where I have been and what my talents are.
Sadly these persons seem to give credit to those with loads of charisma (such as a dishonest male co-worker at a previous employer of mine), while missing that quiet service of others in God’s Love is also important.

I get the comment regularly that I should be more “thick skinned”, although this would be nice (and I do try), this is not who I am and my life experience has most certainly not helped. I also get persons saying I should get trained as an RV mechanic (since I have driven one and done a lot of work on my own camper over the last two decades), however once again I am of only average mechanical talent and aptitude.

I can go on and on about things I should do or learn to do all the while ignoring my God given natural abilities such as organization, business and research. I have many business clients, instructors and more second this, however I constantly am told what I need to do here and rumors about my “so called” failures and more circulate.
Unless I am to believe the lies of the Evil One and give in as a total failure (like so many have said I am), I am not going to listen.
Please reference previous posts such as: “The Worst Job I aver had” (deleted out of respect for a family member), “Does doing the right thing really pay in life?” or "The Triumph of Evil"

What still bothers me more is while I suffer with hours of nightmares and premonitions all night (and often in the day) and get no sleep, persons who have the power to help continue to look the other way and believe the lies (treating me like damaged goods). Whether it is friends (who are now in Portland), my own brother in law (whom I love dearly and respect, which is why it hurts all the more), my community, my old church family in LA and more. Many of these persons are persons I have loved and would have done anything for, yet I seem to be worthless to them.

While I understand that one needs to get their self-esteem from the Lord, this is NOT explicitly written in the Bible while many other commandment about how we should respond to others around us.

Here is a quote from Luke Chapter 10: 25-37:
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[c]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[d]"
28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

It is clear from this passage as to what a Christian is and this is what I have strived to be.
HOWEVER while I (and my family) am “lying beside the highway” the Christian s of our day walk around as this would certainly ruin their image to look for the truth in me or my family (about the only exceptions have been a few internet friends, my sister, and a few from my new church). Unfortunately the ones who have cared to look deeper do not have the ability to truly help (or do not feel they can based on different view of the Bible).

What is sad is I have roundly criticized for trying to practice this passage; for instance I have been horribly judged in my new community for help a co-worker by providing a place for her to live in my old camper after she became estranged from her family. Even her family thinks very low of me and finally convinced her of my worthlessness (mean while others refuse to stand up here and either blames me or even her, of which neither is true).
In another case, I had a manager at my pet store that had many “home issues”, marital issues and more that I provided a room for her and her kids. This lady was thrown out of home at 13 by her “druggy” parents and was a survivor who could not look past her own needs at times. I believe I helped (I can give much evidence here, in particular how she exposed what happened to my daughter which ended up costing her as well). What is sad here is she was not a Christian, yet she ended up doing what was right as personal expense while my judgmental Church looked the other way and condemned me.

There are many other examples (many other are not aware of as the Bible asks us to not do things for public view). But of those known by others such as dropping my largest account (the Bahooka Restaurant) to do the right thing after sexual innuendos were thrown his way (and his fiancé), I was once again judged.
What is has all come down to is I am not viewed as much by others, and although I try and get my self esteem from God, doing this is very difficult in lieu of nightmares and persons who are supposed to be Christians of which the Bible states that you will know them by their fruit (sadly many listen to those who are wolves in sheep's clothing). Even though I also occasionally receive positive premonitions, it is getting harder and harder to ignore the hate and lack of any respect I get (for who I am, what I can and have done and much more), whether in my community, internet, and elsewhere.

These often so-called Christians choose to raise my failures high on a flag pole all the while ignoring my positive attributes/actions that many in the business world acknowledge (& flying community when I was an active pilot) and making these attributes to be failures as well.
A co-worker at Cary's of Oregon who is one of these wolves in sheep's clothing was and is good at this (his views on politics and many actions tell his real convictions and lack of repentance for his horrible actions such as spreading false gossip and moving inventory to make me look bad, not knowing that I came in on a Sunday to count and caught his dishonest lies). The use of MySpace as a tool of these actions by deleting me as a friend is not only juvenile, but shows that these persons lack any understand of what Jesus asks of us in response to others.

About all that keeps me going is a positive premonition that came one day (a few times I might add) that showed my middle daughter (Danielle) to be a blessing to me and many around her and she has certainly shown much of this already sensing when I am most deeply depressed and being a real light to and for the Lord (this is not to lower my other kids as I love them and would not exchange them for the world). I am simply stating she is probably the main reason I am still here today and am able to ignore the nightmares calls of agreement with others about my total failure in life.

Unfortunately, many agencies or morally bankrupt groups such as the Women's Crisis Support Team of Grants Pass are so morally bankrupt, they could not see the truth if it were the size of Mt. Everest. I strongly urge any readers to NEVER donate to this organization that is not interested in truth, rather it is an aid to Satan himself as even though they may help some, they often "leap before looking" despite the harm they bring upon families (I know from experience that even when many well established citizens of Grants Pass have given character references that they simply blow them off and continue their evil and reckless actions).

SUMMARY
I will summarize by confessing my weaknesses/sins for others to see/witness.

*I have a major tendency to take abuse both verbal and well documented back stabbing before losing my temper verbally instead of simply confronting these persons.
*I am easily embittered (but I am praying about this and working on it)
*I am NOT patient, but again I am working on this and many others such as my friends from the Holy Rovers have noted that I am much more patient.
*Coveting others success instead of being satisfied with what God provides me

I will also Stand up for myself and state my strengths

*I pray daily for others, including those who have hurt me or those close to me. This includes many as of writing this update whom I cannot mention that have had similar judgments placed on them.
*I am loyal, standing behind and forgiving those who have harmed my family or me.
*I place others way above the almighty dollar, my real business acquaintances (such as Tideline USA in LA can testify to). I have NEVER sought to be rich and have quietly given MUCH to others in time, co-signatures, donations, and direct aid, often to my own financial harm.
*Despite the owners of Cary’s of Oregon & many in Grants Pass, I am VERY talented in business management, especially when it comes to the area of organization of information (I am excellent at research), human resources, SEO, inventory control, prioritizing of tasks and much more. I am not so good at marketing of image or pure leadership (a good leader is more inspiring than I am and can take criticism better than me).
Despite those who have tried to take away any credit of this from me, simply looking at the results of my internet information pages, my previous business, the many who have much respect for me such as my many business contacts in LA (Tideline, Kokaho, Quality Marine, and MANY others who have told me so), even the flight instructors and FAA examiners who complimented my cockpit management and how skilled I am in this area.
Do you grasp this Josh, Tyler, Kenny, & others who are too blind to grasp this (or those who believe their lies & delete me as a friend in MySpace or similar social networks); would you like written references?? Or those who believe these lies without simply looking at the proof, facts or the dozens of testimonials that were sent to me in Feb. of 2009 after a DHS incident?

Again I emphasize to those that choose to believe lies or only see my mistakes, read Luke Chapter 10: 25-37!!

Business Ethics and Communty Support

2006-11-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

I currently own a small internet business that sells aquarium and pond supplies. I also sell ocean themed décor such as seashells, shell night lights and shell wind chimes.
I moved to Oregon in December 2002 to help my family and sold my long time Aquarium Maintenance Business and small Pet Store. For more about me, please follow this link: “About Me- Carl Strohmeyer” .
My thought as it pertains to business is the role image and honesty play in business today. It used to be that if you treated customers well, treated your employees well, and put honesty above image it would pay off in the end. Unfortunately this is not true today (at least in my experience).
Almost everything I sell is based on my experience in professional aquarium maintenance and in particular; tests I have done with UV sterilization, fish nutrition, and medication. I am on several aquatic forums, where I try and pass on my experience, trouble is I get flamed by many who have no practical experience and state that I am only trying to sell something. If this were true, I would not be where I am today. I have on multiple occasions told customers in my maintenance business and pet stores NOT to buy a product as this product would not help or worse, cause more problems for their aquarium. Yet customers have then gone elsewhere and listened to dishonest advice and purchased unnecessary or over priced, poor designed aquarium products only to have problems.
Another point is image; I have never placed image or sales above employees or people in general, yet in one instance when my largest service customer (representing 40% of my business with over 120 aquariums) had a change of ownership (son took over from father) and he had made sexual and obscene comments to my employees who went there to maintain aquariums, I asked him to cease and apologize. He refused and I refused to send my employees there (basically ending our service with them). What was the community reaction to this? Condemnation of me for not providing for my family and for stupid business practice. Of coarse my business struggled for several years after this.
Later when I had to move after my wife’s nervous breakdown and subsequent affair (brought on by three special needs children, with the autistic child being the straw to break the camels back, despite the fact that I was doing most of the care at this point), we moved to Oregon where my sister could help with the kids. There I took on a job at a candy factory as the production supervisor. Despite my years of business experience and college education in business management, everything fell on deaf ears to upper management. Everything was about image, and every problem started at the bottom with the employees rather than my opinion of managing from the top down. The community strongly supports this business, even giving “Business of the Year Awards” despite its turnover rate of staff and general poor working conditions. During my time there I brought productivity up my increasing morale and we kept employees much longer. I am not there now and they only have two employees (out of a staff of 25+) that have been there longer than 3 months. Yet business is good as far as sales go.
While my business gets basically no community support, even though I run my business with people and honesty first, image third. Funny thing here is I sell products at less than half the price of the “good ole boys” and that are of far better quality, go figure?

I guess the bottom in business, big and small, is image and profit are everything, honesty and people are nothing.
But I also know differently, when morale is high, profits can be too (Jet Blue has succeeded here). These decisions are also the public’s responsibility, as you vote with your pocket book.

In my blogging, I came upon this site “Slow Leadership-It's Time to Think Again About Productivity”- "The 2005 Workplace Productivity Survey conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) found that almost six out of ten (58 per cent) Americans identified poor management as the biggest obstacle to productivity. Long hours won’t help with that."

This site was great reading, and comments were also interesting and well informed.
Carl

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Views on the Book of James

2009-09-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

My Views on the Book of James

First let me start out by stating that although I read the Bible much, listen to varied sermons, etc. I am NOT a biblical expert, so these are simply as the blog title states, “My Thoughts”.

What I do know is that the Book of James is different from the other Epistles and Gospels of the New Testament, and is more akin to Ecclesiastes or Proverbs of the Old Testament.
As well during the Reformation, many such as Marin Luther wanted this book left out of Scripture. Here are Martin Luther’s thoughts:
”"Lutherans believe that faith, is understood as trust in God's steadfast love, and is the only appropriate way for human beings to respond to God's saving initiative. Thus "salvation by faith alone", the distinctive and controversial slogan of Lutheranism. Opponents claimed that this position failed to do justice to the Christian responsibility to do good works, but Lutherans have replied that faith must be active in love and that good works follow from faith as a good tree produces good fruit."

For more please See: http://gbgm-umc.org/umw/james/Background/Canon.htm

With all do respect to Martin Luther, I disagree and I am glad other Church fathers thought this Book was best left in the Cannon of Scripture.

My reasons are simple, that is I firmly believe that the works described in the book of James such as Chapter 2, are a way of verifying our faith and walk. Yes we fail (at least I know I do), just as we fail to keep the Ten Commandments. Christ even states in the Parable of the Good Samaritan that the one who helps the injured man is the Christian; is this not a form of works? The answer in my opinion is this is works by faith, as an unbeliever can also perform this work, however a Christian walking in the faith of the Lord should perform this task as well.

Here is the passage I am referring to (NIV):
1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?

8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself,"[a] you are doing right. 9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery,"[b] also said, "Do not murder."[c] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.

Continued:
14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

I know for myself I have many times tried to live verse 1-3, yet have failed, often paying attention to the man who appears “better”.
This does not mean that we not exercise discernment, as this is also where I have failed. I have leapt in to help someone without prayer, only after realizing the person was a wolf in sheep’s clothing did I finally pray and realize otherwise. I know in particular this has happened twice with disastrous results (such as my trust in a couple to run my previous pet store in the Hacienda Heights area of California when they used me with well designed lies).

As well even when prayer is part of the decision to help someone, I also know from experience the results may not be what we would like, but this does not mean that God does not have bigger plans. A case in point where I helped a female co-worker at a Candy Factory I was the Production Manager with a place to live and many other aspects from insurance to loans. The results for me were disastrous (with many evil rumors and worse), but I know this was done in prayer, and another co-worker who also helped her can vouch for this as well.

Finally there are the many times I have helped others with no reward (& often public acknowledgement), since these acts were done discreetly as Christ often says we should. I know as a human it would be nice for some acknowledgment, especially when the person has the ability to stand up and vouch for your integrity during times of trials (as was the case for another co-worker whom I helped get credit to save their family car) , but I know this is not what Christ is asking of us in James or other related passages of the Bible.

In summary, my thoughts on James is that it is not a book on “works” rather a measurement of our faith, as well as a tool to help us live a life closer to Christ and to understand our own failures. This is similar in my view to Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.
In fact, my biggest frustration is that many in the Christian Church ignore James and concentrate on Paul’s Books, when I think James gives good balance to the rest of the New Testament and our lives, including mine; we simply need to read this book in context with the rest of the Bible.

Do Evangelicals represent the Church of Jesus?

2009-01-23T12:31:00.001-08:00

IS THE EVANGELICAL OR CHARISMATIC WING OF THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH A CULT?

The answer is no, especially when you look at core beliefs, HOWEVER:

although most believe in very literal (& correct in my opinion) interpretations of the Bible, most act in ways that are contrary to scripture and yet have the audacity to condemn Churches such as the Later Day Saints (Mormons) on their interpretation of scripture (which I agree is twisted), but yet most Mormon live the simple teaching of the Bible: (Matt 22: 37-39) 37 Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself".

After speaking with a good friend at my Church (Bethany Presbyterian) as to both of our experiences in many Evangelical Churches and since both of us add somewhat different life experiences that left us both feeling like we "sucked", the light finally came on that part of the problem was almost EVERY Evangelical/Baptist Church I (and my friend) attended had the same message and that is "I SUCK". Besides NOT being Biblical, it simply goes against human nature.

Yes we ALL need a Savior and fall short of God, HOWEVER we ARE created in his image (Genesis 1:27; So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them).
Also what I find both sad and frustrating is that these same Churches like to relate God as our Father, and a Father punishes his children for poor behavior, which I agree, HOWEVER what loving Father tells their children they suck and that they are "bad". Sorry, but I disagree with most Evangelicals that we are inherently bad/evil (we are created in God's image, not Satan's), some may be such as Adolf Hitler whom Jesus death and resurrection is still the propitiation for, but this is one of those mysteries that we in are finite minds likely will never understand (1 John 2:2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for[a] the sins of the whole world.)

Back to what the Lord may think of us; Job 1 verse 8: -Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

To balance the above passage, Job later said this: Job 19:25 I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. 26 And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; 27 I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!

Unfortunately many Evangelicals continue to judge me and my family and are often my harshest critics, quite bluntly if even a few of these Evangelicals stood up for was the truth, my family and my daughter would not be in the situation we continue to find ourselves in today. All I heard in most sermons (& this includes radio sermons) is how much I "suck" and what a despicable person I am! I am not saying there is not a place for human judgment, as the Bible is clear you will no them by their fruits, however none have EVER checked to see what was truly happening (the real fruit), and quite honestly the fruit of many of these evangelicals is quite rotten when I look how my family was destroyed and how I CONTINUE to be judged by them (such as for helping a co-worker here in Oregon and ditto in California, does not the Bible say that Christ went out among the sinners!!!!!)

Many would do well to understand this passage from John 1:43-51:
43 The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me."
44 Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. 45Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph."
46 "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked.
"Come and see," said Philip.
47 When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false."
48 "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked.
Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you."
49 Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel."
50 Jesus said, "You believe[a] because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that." 51He then added, "I tell you[b] the truth, you[c] shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man."

To me the above shows how Jesus sees the good in us even when we have issues of our own.

What has been so frustrating, painful, etc. is that these so-called Evangelicals have made pronouncements on me without even knowing what is going on. For instance I had a lady from a Calvary Church of So. CA counseling my wife though her mental issues after my son was born (he was very sickly and later diagnosed with autism), she made up her mind that I was being too hard on my wife, including withholding money from her (she did not try and find out that my wife and her boyfriend had run up $80,000 in debt). She called the LA Sheriff who after looking over the records I showed him told the lady she owed me an apology, she refused. During this same time period my neighbor was VERY judgmental on both me & my wife (yes my wife had, was having an affair that the end result later would be severe emotional harm to my daughter, yet the "Christian" thing to do would be to Love the sinner and hate the sin, but they chose the opposite). Mean while these so-called Christian neighbors told me I was too easy on my wife, totally the opposite of what the Baptist Church and the lady from the Calvary Church stated. This was quite hard being judged from two opposing sides, so I could do no right.

I made a decision to move my family (right or wrong) via prayer and with some input of the few friends (mostly non-Christian) that stood by me (& my sister in Oregon). This of coarse resulting in me trusting others to run my business who it turned out did not have my best intentions in mind (I should have bankrupted, but Chapter 7 would have resulted in lost jobs, so once again I put others ahead of myself, only to get stabbed in the back).

Here in Oregon the judgment has been even worse, and even with my online business where I spend 90% of my time answering other questions, emails, phone calls, fixing their web sites all the while spending little time trying to bring up my business I am still not doing enough in some persons eyes.
I have almost 0% of my back links from others (about 1 in 250) and this shows how much people continue to take advantage of my help.

I am trying to spend more time collecting recyclables, however I get blasted for this too, with a recent incident where a bystander jumped in on his attack of me (see: "Grants Pass Poor Morals; Recycling

I am getting off subject somewhat, but the bottom line is I am thankful for my one Christian friend who shared his similar story of the "you suck" gospel of Evangelicals and as well as my Sister Jan.
However most Evangelicals (some even family) continue to judge me harshly totally oblivious to the harm it has caused me and my family. My daughter is very suicidal and if EVEN ONE Christian would come forward to befriend her would help greatly (she has some friends, but they are not in position to help as they have much on their plate or are not Christians).
For me, just having a few persons here in Grants Pass acknowledge what they have said/done is wrong and try and help could do wonders as well (not to mention having a few persons help me with some REAL links to my business on line)

Unfortunately this quote seems to be all to true: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

My contact with Charismatic Pentecostals has been even worse with most stating this is happening ONLY because I lack faith (ignoring the fact that my move to So. Oregon was an act of faith that I am now paying dearly for). I will save this thought for maybe another day.

What I believe is that the Evangelical Churches in America (maybe elsewhere) need to re-think there personally destructive gospel of “YOU SUCK” and realize that it is not only un-Biblical, BUT DESTRUCTIVE. I know for me is after my 4th & 6th grade teacher told me that I was a vegetable and would not amount to anything (she made sure the WHOLE class knew this as well), I mostly heard how much I sucked in Church as well (until I found a Church that does not preach this). These same persons that preach and live his Gospel mostly like have never been brought to the pits of despair (I know this from their view of suicide and overly literal view of Cor. 10:13).
I know the only point in my life I was truly accepted was when I was a pilot and working on my commercial license, then the criticism I received was as it should be, for my mistakes, HOWEVER I gave this up for my family and now I get and hear criticism everywhere for everything, usually NOT for my mistakes, but based on the “you suck” perceptions.

I will end by saying praise the Lord that I still have a few friends (although mostly non-Christian such as at Everything Aquatic), as well my friend Roger here in town, Bob in Central CA. and others.

I will also add that I think this is why God grants us this time on Earth is to serve others, however many think ALL service should be beat them on the head Evangelism or things done in public view (95% of my service has been done discretely in private).
I would refer to this article as well: Conservatism vs. Capitalism

My prayer is for others who have turned from God (such as my father and others I know) because just these views of the Evangelical Church will realize that they do NOT represent Jesus’ Love!

Does doing the right thing really pay in life?

2006-12-19T08:55:00.000-08:00

Does doing the right thing really pay in life?

The answer is no.
The only light I see is when I leave this horrible planet to be with God.
I have spent my life trying to do what is right (with a lot of mistakes on my part along the way), but it has always come back to bite me on the butt each time and always worse each time.

Starting with my 4th grade teacher (and then again the same teacher for 6th grade), this teacher was cruel and affected the rest of my school days and life. I was a day dreamer and small, she labeled me a vegetable and told the rest of the class I would not amount to anything. When she asked a question of me and I did not respond how she thought I should, she made sure the class knew that I was a loser.
This chased me all through school, even when it no longer was an issue, and kids tacked on more (with her permission it seemed). So I became the little “gay” boy (I wasn’t gay), would could not do anything right. I could not get a date due to this too. My life since school and college has been trying to prove myself over and over and trying to stand up for the little guy, including people who worked under me, problem was People took advantage of this and after a third child was born with a disability (first meningitis, then an Autism diagnosis), my wife had a nervous break down and a person I should not have trusted, came into her, and took advantage of her and my daughter, we since have add to leave California for both there sakes.

I saw success in business in the 1980s (especially in my maintenance business), but when I had a landlord with few morals lease another building in our strip mall (under our main street sign) to another LFS who stated to others in the industry that his intention was purely to get our business for free, I new I was in for a tough time. I got no community support but I did get support from others in the wholesale side of the business who respected me. I took another job from 2:00 AM on so as to not demoralize my staff that I valued very much. We rode this out, but it drove a wedge in my marriage and I got ridiculed for my handling of this by her and others in the community.

Fast forward some more and after finding the Lord, I was told that I had to do anything to save my marriage (my wife was in an affair with a more “manly man”, I am not very big-5’8”, 128 at the time). I asked her what I could do to prove to her my true love, and she said sell the Pet Store. I did, and she handed me divorce papers on Christmas Eve 1988.

I later pursued my ambition of a flying career while still operating my aquarium maintenance business. During this time I met my current wife (who came from a very dysfunctional family). In 1993 My largest account (the Bahooka Restaurant, 90 + aquariums) changed owners to a relative with drug issues, this person made obscene overtures to two of my employees to which I stated my employees did not want to return unless there was an apology. None came and I dropped the account. What happened after this? My wife could not handle the loss of income and along with others at our church blamed this on another of my failures and attempt to win my ex wife back (one of the employees involved was my ex brother in law).

I never quite recovered the great exposure this account brought and the loss of income. My wife also went on a spending spree that only accelerated with the birth of our first child (who had neuro-synsory dysfunction). With the birth of our second child with feeding disorders and chronic infections, things continued to get worse and I good not work hard enough to take care of family issues (my wife often was not mentally able to take care of the children). My wife developed polycystic ovaries and was told we could never have more kids again. Well we did have another (we were blessed with a son). My wife did not want this child and threaten to get an abortion. Thankfully this never happened, but he was born very sickly. During an early hospital stay he contracted meningitis and everything went downhill from there. My wife had a nervous breakdown, and during a stay in the hospital to try and correct an aspiration problem and connect more equipment too him (which I had to stay with him most of the night when he came home), a few women came over from the church to tell me I needed to do more. I had already dropped out of flight school (where I had progressed to my multi engine license), and worked early morning hours collecting cardboard to pay off the debts we had built up from medical bills and my wife’s spending issues. But none of this was enough.

After leaving the hospital a man we had met at Church befriended her and this escalated into an affair and an even wilder spending spree with the purchase of even a used car for him using my business credit.
Later as my son improved with his illnesses, other issues arose and he was diagnosed with autism. My wife went up and down in the affair, we did get some counseling, but so many lies were being floated about me, it was hard to keep her intact with the truth. One person whom a Church charity sent to help her cope was convinced that I was committing “Economic Violence” against my wife and family by trying to keep her on a tight budget of $125 per week (even though 5 years later I do all the shopping and cooking to try and stay ahead economically and only spend $80- $100 per week with 3 growing kids). This so called counselor called the LA Sheriff on me, but when I pulled out documentation of thousands of dollars of crazy spending (By then I was checking all credit grantor and such to track this information). The Deputy saw that this was a farce and told the Counselor so, but she refused to apologize (what an example of Christ huh) or leave until the Deputy forced her.

Things continued down the slippery slope with her friend now calling children’s services on me to try and get me in trouble a few times and then he sent Gay Porn to everyone he thought I new (mostly family) to convince them I was hiding a Gay secret (and knowing also that I was teased mercilessly as a child growing up with this). This went on during most of the Christmas season of 2001. I had to take the legal step of signing custody of my kids to my sister in Grants Pass Oregon at this point in case my kids were to be removed as a preventative recommended by a lawyer.
Then one day we were called to our church nursery to discuss my son’s occasional behavioral issues (they were most brought on by teasing when I quietly watched nearby). We were told we could no longer bring him there, which is what a couple of persons who had been spreading the rumors of all my failures wanted.
This sent my wife who was doing better back over the edge even deeper than before, now my oldest daughter was being exposed to him resulting in a premonition I had before she was even born of her being molested.
I was unaware of this until an employee (my manager) of mine passed a journal of my daughter to me that my daughter had given to her daughter discussing what had happened (although rather vaguely) the last year. At this point I put my house up for sale, instructed my business to a couple (who would also screw me), and placed my daughter on a plane to Oregon. In hind site I should have bankrupted out of all the debt my wife and her friend incurred (California has community property laws), but a Lawyer told me if I did the business would be attached and everyone would loose their jobs, so once again I did what I thought was right.

Coming here to Oregon was difficult, I could not even gain the business respect I a least had in California, even recycling trash (non Oregon redemption I would take back to CA. when I had enough) earned me profane ridicule. I finally went work at local business in Grants Pass where I eventually was the Production Manager, but I soon realized that many of the rumors of my “failures” followed me here (probably through the sister church here, but I really do not know). All my business losses from selling my store to the Bahooka, to my having sell what was left of my business after the couple I entrusted cleaned me out were somehow brought to bear against me. I was never allowed to exercise any of my business skills from years of business and a Business management education at Cal Poly, Pomona. And when finally convinced by a friend and co worker to go back and start my own business with her help, she was later convinced via the rumors that I was a failure, and a person to not get involved in any business way with.
I was dependant on a lot of her art and other computer skills to make this business fly, and just like before, I was left out on my own (as usual).

I have tried to gain at least community recognition (I advertised for a year in the local newspaper, often on the front page, to which no sales can be attributed), I have written, blogged (admittedly keeping a low profile as I personally believe my actions should speak for themselves which did work in the business community in LA, not a false projected image). None of this has come to fruition. I live in a home that is better described as a 900 square foot shack with payments higher than in LA. I am up all hours writing and researching articles and posting them on the internet (in between still doing the cooking, shopping, and a good portion of the child care. I have had a person I met on the internet in the UK (who has advised me immensely) tell me he cannot figure out why I do not have a hundred times the hits I have based on all the articles I have published and the PR6-7 links from the front pages of his site he has provided me.

Between the Dark premonitions I have (that are often 80 % accurate), the constant abandonment, the hurt for my children (whom I want the best for, but alas my son’s autism is too much for some and my older daughter’s depression is also too much for some), the criticism for every decision in life I make including this move to Oregon (for which I prayed deeply about but now see from criticisms, results, and dreams that is was the worst decision of my life), even the one time i finally could not be strong any more and snapped (by God's will the gun would not fire, so I am still here) drew me even more contempt, and finally the criticism and lack of help I get with my internet business and Groups/ Blogs I started; This makes every day a challenge, just like the song “Man in the Wilderness” by Styx.

There is much more I could write to fill in many blanks, but they are much too hard.

Criticism for helping others

2007-03-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

I cannot say how many rumors still float around to this day about my motives and priorities in helping others. Even my own brother in law has let these rumors go by. I was told not to help a teenage couple a bout a year in a half ago as this looks wrong and my intentions “looked bad”. What is this, did Jesus not go to the sinners and tax collectors (not that I am Jesus or these teenagers were sinners anymore than I was)?
What I am saying is that I did not think I was any better than they were just because I was older (another adult said they were only worthy of a McDonalds job based on their age).
Unfortunately even with respect and help I gave (not that she did not return it too), the rumors, and usual stabbing in the back by my friends once again caught up with me and she was convinced of my loser status (see this post: Does doing the right thing really pay in life? ).

I also DID put my family ahead of my own dreams and desires, why else would I have brought my family to Oregon and the poor business climate here while I had a good business and worse, dropped out of flight school leaving behind my personal dream of a career in aviation ($35,000 spent too).

Back to the, helping people issue, there are more people I have helped that I have said nothing about (other than here), whether it is here on the internet helping with their site and promotion, their aquarium promotions (with absolutely no help in return), or in case of taking persons in to my home (or using my camper as a place to crash), helping them with loans, signing for rents (for persons with bad credit), helping get “wheels”, a job and more. I am not saying this to brag only to say I cannot believe the judgment I get for doing this (much is unknown by others though).

I will also add I still lose sleep (I suffer from a lot of nightmares and premonitions that are about 80% in accuracy) worrying about persons I tried to help and wish I could have helped more. I still think and pray for Tammarie Pepe and her kids, my ex wife, Jerry Steele, Rachel Owen and many-many more.

One of the reasons I left So. California for Oregon (a person) is more interested in reading my site or blogs than my so called friends (when I track back all links to my site and blogs, they 99% trace back to me, no help or interest by anyone else).
I come up at the top of the search engines, has anyone ever thought to contact me?

Dealing with life’s difficulties; especially my shortcomings, wife who sleeps most of the time and my special needs children would be a little easier with support instead of the CONSTANT criticism I get.
And the regular back stabbings are just the icing on the cake, it would be nice if someone would call and say I am sorry or thanks.

Carl Strohmeyer; American Aquarium of Oregon

Why even pray anymore

2008-11-04T21:42:00.001-08:00

Why even pray anymore?

After finding out that I will need a surgery for which my family cannot afford,

after finding out more rumors about me in my community that have no basis of fact, all the while continuing to spend 80% of my time helping others either online or often
quietly as in the case of a friend of my daughters yet getting nothing but criticism,

after a person via myspace basically rubbed my nose in his aquatic business success with his new home and $1000s of dollar aquarium of which not one penny went my way

after a week of nightmares of all my failures,

after giving up my dream of becoming an airline pilot so as to spend more time to care of my family (which I already spent much time) after spending $35,000 and progressing all the way to my Multi-Engine License

after knowing that God made me look the way I do, a skinny little man that most see as either gay or a pervert based on this (I know this to be true based on many comments that found their way back to me and even a couple of letters of my wife to the person that took advantage of her after my son’s birth),

after knowing that I have always treated women/girls with respect, even in high school when the only girl truly interested in my was because I showed her kindness while she was being mercilessly teased, I refused to use this as an opportunity to take advantage of her even though others said I should, YET I am looked at as someone that helps women only to get "into their pants"

after opening my home and wallet to many in need (most often quietly in secret), only to be ridiculed as to my intention or igoring my family (neither of which is remotely true)

after even being ridiculed for picking up cans in off hours by local businessman in my community (and writing a letter to the editor of my local paper to only see it go unpublished)

after praying fervently for those that I helped but later turned on me based on rumors and I have tried to get them to know what really happened but they seem uninterested in knowing the truth,

after a possible investor in my business that thought I had a great website, but then could not believe the low revenue stated that they thought we were much larger based on what they saw and could not find an explanation for this (mind you this was a large corporation that specializes in finding up and coming businesses),

after a click through rate on my web site adverts of 10% below national average

after knowing the day I am not going to pay back all the $100s I have borrowed just to stay in our crap hole of a house that is a fire trap and uses $400 per month just to heat in the winter for 900 square feet

after knowing this is the tearful week that I had to place my daughter on a plane to get her away from a person and situation that meant her and my family harm and took $80,000 from us that we did not even have (it was credit)

after also knowing that next month is when we had to leave our home and live in a Camper for 18 months for which most around us label me a failure,

after leaving LA, not one friend bothered to call or see us off

after knowing what my teacher for both the 4th and 6th grade said about me,

after mine and many others that feel following God’s Word and honesty prayers seemed to go unheard on election day,

WHERE IS GOD, and maybe I am the failure everyone thinks I am

Thanks

2007-05-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks!

I wanted to thank those who have taken the time and help me with business, friendship, kids and whatever else.

I would like to thank Tommy Butler for both his honest friendship and help and advice with my website.

I would like to thank Misti King for simply being a friend when I need one.

I would like to thank Lori at Everything Aquatic for her moral support and more.

I would like to thank Joe Speegle, Bob Kraus and others from Bethany Presbyterian for their moral support.

I would like to thank my sister Jan for help and support with the kids, herbal medications, and simply showing that not all Evangelicals are judgmental persons that only no the Bible in knowledge but not in the commandment “To love the Lord your God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself” (I just wish her husband could get past his obsession with image and realize how much looking the other way hurts persons such as myself).

My wish is that the others with beliefs similar to my sister, show the fruit of their belief and realize that looking the other way when rumors go by is the same as particpating when the truth can be shown (not to mention realizing that even in failure and mistakes such as mine, help is needed and welcome by those who truely love the Lord). This community is extremely judgmental towards me and my family without trying to find the real truths. Believing rumors spread by persons such as Josh Oliveri, Daniel Diaz, Andy Rios and others are easy, the truth is hard

Carl

Positive Attitude

2008-06-02T07:39:00.001-07:00

Positive Attitude or Negative attitude

I know that trying to focus on the positives in life and that God has given me is important and I am trying (& in general doing better with this), however I am not sure that many well intentioned and some less well intentioned persons truly understand how difficult this can be at times.

First though I would like to thank those who are truly trying to help me with acknowledging the many positive such as three beautiful and healthy children and some caring persons at my church. I appreciate my sister (Jan) and friend (Roger) for praying with me and others simply keeping me in prayer as well those who send me positive and uplifting readings (such as John).

Unfortunately many less compassionate persons (such as an adults Pastor at a church I attended in LA) have made statements such as “so not come to come to church unless you can come with a smile on your face”.
What is hard to get past are the often nightly and occasional daytime nightmare/premonitions that are often very accurate which show all my failures and show many future failures and tragedies. Add to this that so many friends continue to believe rumors about me such as being a failure in business and life, having the wrong intentions when helping others, and even that all my problems are do to failing God. I cannot help but believe these rumors my self when I get abandoned left and right and when such basics as looking like a “real” man (I weigh less than even most thin women of similar height) despite so many weight gain attempts over the years. Both my current wife (with the help of her “boyfriend during an affair) and my ex-wife have added to this feeling of inadequacy via statements and actions.

God has very often put in on my heart to at the least pray for others (even in the middle of the night) and often go further and try and help them in various ways. Yet even here my motives have usually been brought into question going so far as to saying that “I wanted in their pants” (referring to a few women/girls I attempted to help). It has also been stated that I was not using discernment when helping these persons, yet this too is not true as when persons have come into my life that had no intention of letting me help them help themselves I would not generally do much here. My failures here have come when even those who were generally trying to pick themselves up would take advantage of me and I would allow this.
Even those that I received many accusations of bad intentions and other stupid charges have showed selflessness such as when Tammy (whom MANY have criticized my helping) did the right thing on two occasions and my prayers are still often with her family.
Then there are those such as the Owens that have talked trash about me and showed hate towards me despite my HELPING keep their daughter around without even trying to check the facts. What is funny about them is that they are ex-Mormons and along with other ex-Mormons I have met seem to have more hate in them which certainly makes me wonder (at least based on the “knowing them by their fruit”) who is truly serving God; Mormons or Evangelicals? Based on my experiences with many here in this town such as Loren and her church, others at various churches here and in LA and as well my friend Misti whose husband thinks little of me (I know this based on statements and actions, even simple but discernable gestures such as avoiding me and being distant when in my company) resulting in her valued friendship with me to also go down the tank like other friendships with persons of Evangelical beliefs.

The preceding is just a small sample of what I deal with weekly and it is hard to be positive while dealing with this and despite my sisters good intentions that I should look to God for affirmation, what I read when looking at the Bible in context and as a whole is that God often and usually speaks though people, making all this hate directed at me by persons of Evangelical beliefs hard to take and then be positive about. A key verse (among many) is to “Love the Lord God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself”.
Despite my trying to place others first (often in quiet as the Bible asks), when I do get feedback (and yes I know this is NOT the reason for doing what is right) it is generally negative. One person I gave moral, financial, and a roof over their head stated at one time; “they would never forget me the rest of their life”, yet this person along with their spouse has viciously attacked me after buying into the lies and rumors.
Just the other day, a person I know that works at a daycare was noting how she gets so many past kids later thank her and invite her to their graduations; I could not help but think that this would be so uplifting and what is especially noteworthy is this same person could NOT handle the care of my son whom I have to deal with his care 24/7 (which in his first couple years was extremely tough, broke my wife mentally, and left us isolated from others).

As to business, although this is finally up, it is up mostly due to sales of after market parts such as UVC bulbs. The products that I recommend such as T2 lights, Wonder Shells, VA M200 filters and MANY more still remain flat, yet when I go down to LA to pick up supplies I often talk to my ex-brother in law (Gregg) who owns my old service business and he tells me how well these products work and how that his customers trust him and take his word and make these purchases (often at vastly higher prices than I sell them on the internet). Add to this that I only sold my business (at a fraction of its value) and my modest home in LA to pay off debts incurred by my wife (during and several year hidden debt spending spree and later with the help of her "boy friend"). Also to remove my family (especially Michelle and Jodie) from continued potential harmful influences. Now we live in a 1920s shack that passes for a house (a contractor told us that repairing this house would be a waste of time and it should be bull dozed) while other continue to stab me in the back.

This is VERY discouraging as I have written so many articles backing up what I say with more scientific proof than the common anecdotal BS common on the internet and these articles come up well in search engines, YET I get little or no sales and little or no respect in most aquatic forums (with the exception of Everything Aquatic). It is hard not to be very depressed when I work so many hours in research and helping others with their problems, sell what I know works, YET still cannot pay my bills with this business.
This town has really been hard on my business with total disrespect for me, although I am no longer wasting my time in community forums promoting it either.

In summary, yes there are blessing in my life and I am still trying my best, but with all the failures (or perceived failures by many), lack of genuine physical attraction in my marriage towards me and hate directed my way by so-so many it is very hard to be positive and these problems literally continue on a daily basis.
An example that I thought of is this; let’s say I was a dwarf born into a society of tall persons that live in a society of based solely on basketball and everything about basketball. I am useless to what most persons there see as to what is important and even though I still may enjoy some of the fruits of this society, I am still viewed and treated like less than a normal human in this society (by most). This is how my life is on a daily basis and it is often hard to take!

Thanks to Everything Aquatic

2008-09-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my many good friends at Everything Aquatic!

It is nice to know that there are people in the world that will stand up for what is right, and even when I am easily frustrated by all the events of life (form an upside down mortgage, to the $30,000 in money owed still left to pay from the influence of the Judas in my family’s, to my daughters depression and both our treatment by so-called “friends” in this community)

After feeling I need to leave Everything Aquatic for a while to relieve pressure on my life, I found out quite quickly starting with John L. how much others care in this group (& I was rude to him to boot on the phone!). Brenda also joined him with several emails and others from Jon to Bill, just to name a few really were great.

I only wish as I go into a season that is filled with extremely painful nightmares that my daughter also suffers from that others that have spread lies and rumors about me or have made me feel like one inch tall such as Carys of Oregon, the Owens and so MANY others in Grants Pass and down at Bethany Baptist Church could do the same.
Again, the sad part is that in my daughters case, most of the people that make her feel worthless in life are Christians, yet she as I do remains strong in faith of God, which is often hard when the Bible says you will know my people by their fruits!!!!

Maybe Rachel and Josh Oliveri, the Investors at Carys of Oregon, the Owens, Greg Walden, the many that attend River Valley Church, Parkside Church and Bethany Baptist Church should go to the Everything Aquatic Forum and read some there, as they certainly do not seem to read their Bibles.

I will state to any readers of "My Thoughts" (as most of my posts are of a negative nature as that is how I have been left feeling by so many starting in the 4th grade) that despite my abandonment and harsh and rumor based treatment by most Evangelical Christians my faith in God and the Lord Jesus is still in tact (I admit doubts at time). I only wish that so many Evangelical Christian could just even remotely practice what the Bible teaches such as the parable of the Good Samaritan.
For me the evidence for creation is what first allowed me to see past the way so many others treated me and as someone who has always been fascinated science with an aptitude as well in science that the Earth and Universe "screams" that there must be a Creator and my looking at the scientific and mathematical evidence has brought me back to the Lord when doubts have over come do to the horrible ways many Evangelical Christians have treated me and my family (as well as some of my friends such as John).

The Bible is clear to this as well:
Romans 1:20 states: "For the invisible things of him from the creation are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead: so that they are without excuse."

I will also add that many persons of the Mormon faith of Christianity that are often maligned by Evangelical Christians as a cult (I will agree that scripturally the Church of Jesus Christ Later Day Saints has many problems, HOWEVER this is also the Church that I have seen act in true Christian Love. Personally I would be more drawn to a Christian that acts as Jesus would than one who talks and tells others what is wrong with myself. Another point is that the Judas that destroyed my family hates Mormons with a passion and this is more proof to me that although this Church has doctrinal issues, if someone of his character hates this Church they must be doing something right!

Positive or Negative Attitude Part 2

2008-07-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

Positive or Negative Attitude Part 2

As I write this entry I ponder the Story of the Good Samaritan as it relates to the way I have lived my life and how others have treated me (mostly so-called Christians). I find that although business is up I still struggle as I spend so much time answering emails and trying to help others with their problems that I have little time left to perform more productive work and have to pay for it via hiring or via Adwords or similar (I can cut back here by spending more time at internet sites to promote my business). On person has basically taken advantage of the situation as their husbands need for materialism forces her think selfishly and just collect money for nothing (I am putting an end to this)

I added “Donate” button based on a suggestion, since I have so many good articles which are often read, but most often do little to bring in income. To this day, I have not had one donation.

What also really hurts is that I know from business experience that you have to establish a good root structure by first establishing your business in one’s community. After three years we have made one internet sale in our community despite our growth on the internet, which is sort of like having a tree growing all sorts of leaves without any real trunk or root structure. Unfortunately this all still stems from persons and their judgment of me that still continues unabated, and mostly from Evangelical Christians (including an ex-Mormon couple which makes me wonder who truly demonstrates Christ’ commandment to Love ones neighbor). I have even been judged by many for staying with my wife AFTER her affair and the destruction it brought upon my family (I thought and still believe in my marriage vows, not to mention I still Love her very much despite this and I also have to acknowledge that I am NOT perfect either).

I am so burned out as I am still spend hours helping others with their problems, reading and responding to their lives issues (many admittedly serious) all the while I cannot say much and when I have in the past I have made to feel so little as it is OK to give compassion to illness (as I did receive after a serious bout with Sepsis), yet honestly this was nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel from the abandonment I and also my daughter feels after evil was brought upon my family and we were devastated financially, emotionally and more (this includes the nightmares both I and my daughter suffer from stemming from many personal issues I will not discuss publically but to say death threats she now indicates were said to her during a difficult family time over 8 years ago still cause her to have nightmares).

It is also curious to me that with a couple of exceptions (my time spent trying to be a friend and provide housing and other support to Tammy and Rachel), most of what I felt “called to do” by the Lord was done discretely (often financial or other personal help) with no one knowing but many, the Lord and usually the recipient (although not even always the recipient), YET although I cannot expect others to know, I can expect the Lord to place it on other Christian’s heart to come along side my family or at the very least not judge so harshly, yet this NEVER happens.

I see friends that I have helped with their internet sites and much more never acknowledge my site (which would help bring others or help with SEO), this has happened with two (who I thought were) close friends.
I provide help to many in forums I visit/run as well as my many articles, yet again I see little help return as to how persons see me (in my community) and I spend hours per day answering email or phone calls for persons with no intention of every returning the favor and purchasing from me

Another aspect of business I find frustrating is although sales of products such as UV Bulbs and other items are up, these are "common" items, all the while the unique products that I sell and recommend (of which my recommendation in my previous business were treated with respect and positive feedback) seem to fall on deaf ears. This includes Bio Lif, Spirulina 20, Via Aqua VitaLife Filter, my many unique and up to date aquarium lights such as the T2 Aquarium Lights, although I will admit that after much flaming of myself and website, the Wonder Shells are finally selling. This list is s short list BTW as there are many other products that know are good and unique based on mine and other colleagus experience, yet I get little notice of them all the while spending hours helping others with their aquarium/pond problems.

Please do not get me wrong, I do NOT help others either on a personal level or with their aquariums/ponds (as that is not what the Bible asks), it is just that there is very rarely any return and worse the amounts of hate directed at me is ridiculous. I simply am so spent that I am finding it harder and harder to return emails and go to my forums to answer questions when I feel at rock bottom anymore. I say this as my wife dropped another bomb shell of s lie on me about her job, which without going into detail frustrates me as I have given up EVERY dream I have had to provide for my family and her (this included flying). I supported her decision to change jobs even though I new she would find herself actually less happy and our families finances who toilet even more, this turned out to be correct on my part and I have NOT reminded her of this at all, yet once again I take the brunt of the stress from this decision.
This coupled with the emergence of a evil person in my families lives (who came as a Judas, yet has done nothing but sought evil against us based on his own twisted philosophy on life) and my daughters struggles why she too is judged (most often by “born again Christians”) that never attempt to look for the truth has made life nearly impossible to live for me.

I will say on a positive note that my sister Jan remains a rock of support as well as Rodger Stewart and some others at my Church (a Presbyterian Church). Also there a few members (John, Bill, Brenda, Lori, Jon, Renee, Stephanie, and others) at my aquatic forum “Everything Aquatic” that I know would do anything for me if they could (unfortunately their own situations often preclude this). Yet even here there are others that could but are indifferent (IMO).

It would just be nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or for others who stood by while evil, problems such as Autism of my son, my middle daughters dyslexia, our financial struggles, my personal issues such as being thought of as “gay” do to the fact I am a grown man that cannot gain weight past 122 lbs. would simply show SOME compassion or at least stop taking advantage of me and my family. A few apologies would also go a long ways from Rachel and her family as well as many others who think they know me, but know little of what I nor my family has been through (this would include even those reading all entries in this blog as it is a sugar coated version that leaves out the darkest events that have happened). I know Rachel was one who made a comment about the days surrounding my having to place my oldest daughter on a plane to escape the monster that helped destroy my family and harmed her emotionally (with eveil threats), without going into detail (too painful) that was the worst and lowest point in my life where I felt like such a failure and the nightmares were nearly unbearable, yet her comments were par for the coarse among so-called Christians.

I have lived my life quietly living my life based on Luke 10:25-37 (the story of the good Samaritan), yet I am so tired of watching others cross to the other side of the street around me and my family. For me, this passage of the Samaritan is demonstration of what is taught as to the Gospel, the Law, and the Prophets.
In fact when I often post comments to Christian Blogs about these issues, I have noticed that about 75% of the time they are moderated out. This says a lot to me about what many so-called Christian really desire, this is along the lines of what an Adults Pastor once told me at the height of our families struggles and that is to "not bother coming to Church unless I could come with a smile on my face".

What does God want?

2007-08-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

I do not know what people and God want.

After returning from a beautiful camping trip that was marred by multiple breakdowns (which I had premonitions of that stated there was much worse to come), I have come back to constant attacks on line, breakdowns of equipment, lost internet service, abandonment of friends and more.

Even with the breakdown of our Ford vehicle (which has happened in every trip for the last four summers), I have replaced parts over and over (I am on the third data processor and exhaust system in a vehicle with only 85,000 miles on it) I came under attack in a Good Sam forum where I have asked questions, basically how dare I question Ford? After several breakdowns a few years ago a then friend stated "I liked it when my vehicle broke down"?

Back to my internet business, I am treated like a ghost in most forums, for instance I will answer a question and someone will come along and also provide the same answers and the others will thank the second person for the great answer, ignoring my earlier answer. I got attacked for one of my demonstration videos, not for the amateur quality of the video (which would be true), but for the method which is not true. I get little of the repect here in this town or especially on the internet that I got with my previous business of over two decades (there are a few exceptions such as the fishroom and a few other internet friends). Yahoo Answers and many of the Google groups often treat me worse than crap.
I know I get "over sensitive" however this is hard to overcome based on the lifelong attacks I have had starting in the 4th grade (see this thread: Does doing the right thing really pay in life?) and continuing at a Candy Factory here in Oregon that I worked at when I first moved here (that place made me feel 1 inch tall!!!)

A local friend has appeared to be going the way of another in helping me. A comment and other incidents lead me to believe her husband is listening to the lies about me. And as to me possibly reading to much into this or other similar incidents, my first impressions, gut instincts, whatever else you would call it, have been 90% right over my life, what I have done with this information is where I have failed (I tend to be a chump).

What is hardest is others say I should forget about this, but this is hard when things keep piling on (including nightmares and premonitions that allow me no sleep). It would be nice if some of the persons would have wronged me and spread rumors (mostly Evangelical Christians too), would apologize, but what are the odds? All these incidents are also feeding into premonitions pointing to worse this Autumn, just like in the Fall of 2002 which forced me to move my family (with my daughter placed on a plane ahead of the rest of our family to protect her).
The bottom line, I am at a loss of what God and others want from me, I am trying to do my best with honesty and integrity (yes I make mistakes, I am human), what does God want?

People and God

2007-07-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

I am very confused by what I see around me from people and God

Many will tell me to not look to others to see God, yet the Bible says that we are to “love the Lord God with all our heart mind and soul and our neighbors as ourselves”. The Bible also says that we will no them (Christians) by their fruit as a good tree cannot produce bad fruit. The Bible also states (in James) that faith without works is dead.
My point is based on the comments and treatment I have and am currently having this is kind of scary. I am looked at as a charity case by Evangelicals where I was given a job out of pity while ignoring my real talents.

People are always trying to force me into a box. In the business world recognizing others and your own weaknesses and strengths bring forth good management. For instance when I produced two commercials for my pet store several years ago I knew this is not where my talents lay. What I did know is what people like to see, the first commercial was a success even though it was strange and wacky. The second only garnered 1/3 the results even though it made better points. What was the difference? I listened to others who stated that I did not know what I was talking about. Another example is flying; I did very well here, yet I also had to know how the plane worked in passing my multi-engine test. Did this make me a mechanic? No, far from it, I do not even have the aptitude.
Yet this continues, very few give me any respect that I might have any aptitude in business (even though I was an A student and did well in my business for years until moving to Oregon where I am really despised) or aquarium information and husbandry.
I keep getting suggestions of what I should be doing professionally mean while friends (mostly Christian) make sorry excuses about my business and me personally.
These judgments are based more on observations, not facts such as the reason I never was highly successful was that I gave much away, put others first, and was taken to the cleaners by my wife and her ‘friend’ during her mental breakdown. I thought that there was nothing wrong with not desiring to be rich; I never have just ask my business management college professor.

Bringing this back to the beginning, the premonitions I have been getting lately are at a fever pitch as to my failures and that I am failing my family, friends, and children and by fall of 2007 everything will be gone. This is almost exactly what others say (such as maybe I should get a real job!), what is boils down to is it is getting very hard to fight anymore, but fighting is what keeps total depression away and allows me to keep trying in the midst of predicted failures on so many levels.
Either these persons are not likely Christians that I need to resist, or I am wrong and I am a total failure and should give up (which is what the premonitions and nightmares say, and have been nearly 100% correct lately

Friends

2007-03-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

I am very confussed. I have always thought that friends were to support you in your troubles and your mistakes. Praising your strengths, helping you through your weaknesses and failures.
I have had many failures, some my fault, some not. However I have helped others, taken many into my home, fed them, co-signed on loans, helped find jobs, taken their kids camping, loaned and given money, treated everyone as equal; yet this has not been enough.

Today, true to my premonitions, two things happened; I got another email from someone I should not have, and worse (at least from my perspective) a couple I helped and treated like my own children (I mentioned her in an earlier post) got married. I think I was the only one not invited which brought truth to every promontion I have had in the last two weeks. The promonitions yet to be fullfilled worry me as well, but for now the pain of this is more than I think I can bear, but I will for my kids.

I am so tired of the hate that has been directed at me all my life from the teacher in the fourth and sixth grade (same teacher)with a brief respite in the early 1980s when things really "clicked", to the present time (especially from people in this community and previous Church in LA whom I have given freely of my time and money to help).

I pray that Jesus will show me love, as the world is so dark.