"My Thoughts"

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Positive or Negative Attitude Part 2

Positive or Negative Attitude Part 2

The Story of the Good Samaritan As I write this entry I ponder the Story of the Good Samaritan as it relates to the way I have lived my life and how others have treated me (mostly so-called Christians).
I find that although business is up I still struggle as I spend so much time answering emails and trying to help others with their problems that I have little time left to perform more productive work and have to pay for it via hiring or via Adwords or similar (I can cut back here by spending more time at internet sites to promote my business). On person has basically taken advantage of the situation as their husbands need for materialism forces her think selfishly and just collect money for nothing (I am putting an end to this)

I added “Donate” button based on a suggestion, since I have so many good articles which are often read, but most often do little to bring in income. To this day, I have not had one donation.

What also really hurts is that I know from business experience that you have to establish a good root structure by first establishing your business in one’s community. After three years we have made one internet sale in our community despite our growth on the internet, which is sort of like having a tree growing all sorts of leaves without any real trunk or root structure.
Unfortunately this all still stems from persons and their judgment of me that still continues unabated, and mostly from Evangelical Christians (including an ex-Mormon couple which makes me wonder who truly demonstrates Christ’ commandment to Love ones neighbor). I have even been judged by many for staying with my wife AFTER her affair and the destruction it brought upon my family (I thought and still believe in my marriage vows, not to mention I still Love her very much despite this and I also have to acknowledge that I am NOT perfect either).

I am so burned out as I am still spend hours helping others with their problems, reading and responding to their lives issues (many admittedly serious) all the while I cannot say much and when I have in the past I have made to feel so little as it is OK to give compassion to illness (as I did receive after a serious bout with Sepsis), yet honestly this was nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel from the abandonment I and also my daughter feels after evil was brought upon my family and we were devastated financially, emotionally and more (this includes the nightmares both I and my daughter suffer from stemming from many personal issues I will not discuss publicly but to say death threats she now indicates were said to her during a difficult family time over 8 years ago still cause her to have nightmares).

It is also curious to me that with a couple of exceptions (my time spent trying to be a friend and provide housing and other support to Tammy and Rachel), most of what I felt “called to do” by the Lord was done discretely (often financial or other personal help) with no one knowing but many, the Lord and usually the recipient (although not even always the recipient), YET although I cannot expect others to know, I can expect the Lord to place it on other Christian’s heart to come along side my family or at the very least not judge so harshly, yet this NEVER happens.

I see friends that I have helped with their internet sites and much more never acknowledge my site (which would help bring others or help with SEO), this has happened with two (who I thought were) close friends.
I provide help to many in forums I visit/run as well as my many articles, yet again I see little help return as to how persons see me (in my community) and I spend hours per day answering email or phone calls for persons with no intention of every returning the favor and purchasing from me

Another aspect of business I find frustrating is although sales of products such as UV Bulbs and other items are up, these are "common" items, all the while the unique products that I sell and recommend (of which my recommendation in my previous business were treated with respect and positive feedback) seem to fall on deaf ears. This includes Bio Lif, Spirulina 20, Via Aqua VitaLife Filter, my many unique and up to date aquarium lights such as the T2 Aquarium Lights, although I will admit that after much flaming of myself and website, the Wonder Shells are finally selling.

Here are a few links to these products I sell:
*UV Bulbs:
*Spirulina 20 Fish Food:
*Wonder Shells:

This list is s short list BTW as there are many other products that know are good and unique based on mine and other colleagus experience, yet I get little notice of them all the while spending hours helping others with their aquarium/pond problems.

Please do not get me wrong, I do NOT help others either on a personal level or with their aquariums/ponds (as that is not what the Bible asks), it is just that there is very rarely any return and worse the amounts of hate directed at me is ridiculous.
I simply am so spent that I am finding it harder and harder to return emails and go to my forums to answer questions when I feel at rock bottom anymore.

I say this as my wife dropped another bomb shell of a lie on me about her job, which without going into detail frustrates me as I have given up EVERY dream I have had to provide for my family and her (this included flying).
I supported her decision to change jobs even though I new she would find herself actually less happy and our families finances go into toilet even more, this turned out to be correct on my part and I have NOT reminded her of this at all, yet once again I take the brunt of the stress from this decision.

This coupled with the emergence of a evil person in my families lives (who came as a Judas, yet has done nothing but sought evil against us based on his own twisted philosophy on life) and my daughters struggles why she too is judged (most often by “born again Christians”) that never attempt to look for the truth has made life nearly impossible to live for me.

I will say on a positive note that my sister Jan remains a rock of support as well as Rodger Stewart and some others at my Church (a Presbyterian Church). Also there a few members (John, Bill, Brenda, Lori, Jon, Renee, Stephanie, and others) at my aquatic forum “Everything Aquatic” that I know would do anything for me if they could (unfortunately their own situations often preclude this). Yet even here there are others that could but are indifferent (IMO).

It would just be nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or for others who stood by while evil, problems such as Autism of my son, my daughters Asbergers, our financial struggles, my personal issues such as being thought of as “gay” due to the fact I am a grown man that cannot gain weight past 122 lbs, would simply show SOME compassion or at least stop taking advantage of me and my family.
A few apologies would also go a long ways from Rachel and her family as well as many others who think they know me, but know little of what I nor my family has been through (this would include even those reading all entries in this blog as it is a sugar coated version that leaves out the darkest events that have happened).

I know Rachel was one who made a comment about the days surrounding my having to place my oldest daughter on a plane to escape the monster that helped destroy my family and harmed her emotionally (with eveil threats), without going into detail (too painful) that was the worst and lowest point in my life where I felt like such a failure and the nightmares were nearly unbearable.
Yet her comments were par for the coarse among so-called Christians.

I have lived my life quietly living my life based on Luke 10:25-37 (the story of the good Samaritan), yet I am so tired of watching others cross to the other side of the street around me and my family.
For me, this passage of the Samaritan is demonstration of what is taught as to the Gospel, the Law, and the Prophets.
In fact when I often post comments to Christian Blogs about these issues, I have noticed that about 75% of the time they are moderated out. This says a lot to me about what many so-called Christian really desire, this is along the lines of what an Adults Pastor once told me at the height of our families struggles and that is to "not bother coming to Church unless I could come with a smile on my face".


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