Christian Contentment, Judgement, Trust, & Forgiveness
As well I have found that God has spoken through friends such as Bob & Roger who would and still do give me honest critique of my strengths, but more importantly where I need to grow more.
One area of both weakness and growth, in part due to my past of dealing with very harsh judgments, abandonment, and affairs; is forgiveness.
This said with loving support, I believe and others such as Bob have said I have grown, but I still admit it is an area of struggle.
What has helped is understanding forgiveness does not mean trusting those who have wronged or worse shown contempt or hate toward me or my loved ones.
In looking back, as recently as 2005 I was still suffering from very regular premonitions, that even then still continued off and on to a peak again in early 2009.
Roger and Bob made a difference in helping deal with these and giving up to God my troubles and fears from the past, as well as realizing I cannot bury these on my own.
What is however still troubling and tough to deal with is the judgments by others when I still struggle with these memories.
Many do not seem to understand that going through TWO affairs, one so emotionally crippling that the thought of going through this again is a fear I cannot explain. As well even the memory of this pain is horrible and well beyond explanation.
Believe me, I am still a work in progress, however I would ask those who think I still have unforgiveness in my heart to walk even a just a block in my shoes.
The facts are most of my struggles is NOT unforgiveness as my true friends and the Lord himself have helped me greatly, rather it is trust, and fear of my memories.
I would point out that lack of trust in those who have shown hate toward me and my loved ones is not a sin, however fear is and I certainly understand this.
I would ask of those who still judge me, sadly mostly locally, is to look at those who I left behind who knew me and how much I gave up for my family and friends.
As well, many who have been the most understanding (such as Bob, Tammy's family, etc) have met the man my wife in her postpartum depression had an affair with and know of WHO and WHAT he was.
I ask those who look at my struggles, to see how they or their spouse would deal with an affair that was not even normal, it was hateful and evil, as well having CPS twice attempt to take my family based on false complaints that arose out of this predatory affair.
I can say that I have been able to forgive most completely, but I do not trust and if any read this, again I point out they are quite different emotions (one, lack of forgiveness as a Christian, being a sin).
What I think many Christians who make these assumptions about me and others, yet are hypocrites in calling groups such as the Westboro Baptist Church hate groups (which BTW I agree with), yet tell me I have problem because I cannot TRUST those who have committed just as much hate upon my family as ANYONE at the Westboro Baptist Church has.
The problem stems from a myopic view of the world and a misunderstanding of the Bible as a whole. Sadly, a person who I would count as a friend is an extreme of this myopic view.
Reference: Definition of Myopic
This includes taking Matthew 7:1-2 totally out of context of chapter 7 or the Bible as a whole.
The Bible is clear that we can state that the fruit does not show Westboro Baptist Church are true followers of Jesus (their hate is beyond obvious).
However the same can be said but those who have shown similar hate (even if more subtle) toward me and my family, whether it be Calvary Crossroads, Kenny, Josh, Bruce O, and Bruce P.
What we cannot state is: "they are going to hell" as this is a judgment reserved for God alone.
This my friends is trust, not lack of forgiveness!
Please see these snips from Matthew Chapter 7
Matt: 7; “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
Please note how in the same chapter Jesus states to not throw our pearls to swine, this is trust.
As well, later he gives us a formula for testing the fruit.
Next I would ask any readers to read the entire book of Job.
Are not these persons making false pronouncements upon Job called out by the Lord God himself?
Finally, read Luke 10: 25-37
This is so crystal clear of what having Jesus in our heart really is.
It certainly is not the Westboro Baptist Church, but nor is it those who have practiced hate speech or activities to me, my loved ones or anyone else, even if less in the open that the WBC.
We SHOULD FORGIVE such persons/groups but NOT trust these persons either until they have earned this trust!!
This trust (or lack there of) also applies to those who have harmed or attempted to harm my family, friends, or business.
This means DHS, some of our local officials, Google, those from a couple of churches such as Calvary Crossroads, or Bethany Baptist West Covina should be forgiven but NOT trusted
*Children Protective Service Abuse of Authority
*Google Search, DMOZ, Aquarium Lighting
*Calvary Crossroads; Used as a Tool for Evil
For a friend to tell me I am wrong here and have issues for simply not trusting those who have committed evil upon me, my family, or my business is simply lacking discernment and displaying a myopic view of the world.
What is so hurtful is this same person, I have defended for just this (mostly discretely), yet she has attacked me for lacking this trust. Unbeknownst to her is the fact that a couple we both used to be friends with NEVER wanted to include her do to HER constant complaining and lack of contentment.
Either way, she is always in my prayers, but it is still hurtful when she constantly takes and never gives all the while I am the "bad guy" often in her eyes. This is where God's forgiveness comes in, but trust here too will have to be earned.