"My Thoughts"

Saturday, March 24, 2007


I am very confused. I have always thought that friends were to support you in your troubles and your mistakes. Praising your strengths, helping you through your weaknesses and failures.
I have had many failures, some my fault, many not. However I have helped others, taken many into my home, fed them, co-signed on loans, helped find jobs, taken their kids camping, loaned and given money, treated everyone as equal; yet this has not been enough.

Today, true to my premonitions, two things happened; I got another email from someone I should not have, and worse (at least from my perspective) a couple I helped and treated like my own children (I mentioned her in an earlier post) got married and never sent an invitation.
I think I was the only one not invited which brought truth to every premonition I have had in the last two weeks. The premonitions yet to be fulfilled worry me as well, but for now the pain of this is more than I think I can bear, but I will for my kids.

I am so tired of the hate that has been directed at me all my life from the teacher in the fourth and sixth grade (same teacher)with a brief respite in the early 1980s when things really "clicked", to the present time (especially from people in this community and previous Church in LA whom I have given freely of my time and money to help).

I pray that Jesus will show me love, as the world is so dark with so many hateful persons who act like Christians, but in reality are full of evil.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Criticism for helping others

I cannot say how many rumors still float around to this day about my motives and priorities in helping others.
Even my own brother in law has let these rumors go by. I was told not to help a teenage couple about a year in a half ago as this looks wrong and my intentions “looked bad”.
What is this, did Jesus not go to the sinners and tax collectors (not that I am Jesus or these teenagers were sinners anymore than I was)?

What I am saying is that I did not think I was any better than they were just because I was older (another adult said they were only worthy of a McDonalds job based on their age).
Unfortunately even with respect and help I gave (not that she did not return it too), the rumors, and usual stabbing in the back by my friends once again caught up with me and she was convinced of my loser status.
See this post: Does doing the right thing really pay in life? ).

I also DID put my family ahead of my own dreams and desires, why else would I have brought my family to Oregon and the poor business climate here while I had a good business and worse, dropped out of flight school leaving behind my personal dream of a career in aviation ($35,000 spent too).

Back to the, helping people issue; There are more people whom I helped that I have said nothing about (other than here).
Such as:
  • Here on the internet helping with their site and promotion
  • Their aquarium promotions (with absolutely no help in return)
  • Taking persons in to my home (or using my camper as a place to crash)
  • Helping them with loans
  • Signing for rents (for persons with bad credit)
  • Helping get “wheels”
  • Help obtaining a job and more.

I am not saying this to brag only to say I cannot believe the judgment I get for doing this (much is unknown by others though).

I will also add I still lose sleep (I suffer from a lot of nightmares and premonitions that are about 80% in accuracy) worrying about persons I tried to help and wish I could have helped more.
I still think and pray for Tammarie Pepe Enostros and her kids, my ex wife, Jerry Steele, Rachel Owen and many-many more.

One of the reasons I left So. California for Oregon, is that a certain person who does NOT mean our family well is more interested in reading my site or blogs than my so called friends.
When I track back all links to my site and blogs, they 99% trace back to me, no help or interest by anyone else.
I come up at the top of the search engines, has anyone ever thought to contact me?

Dealing with life’s difficulties; especially my shortcomings, my wife who sleeps most of the time and my special needs children would be a little easier with support instead of the CONSTANT criticism I get.
And the regular back stabbings are just the icing on the cake, it would be nice if someone would call and say I am SORRY or THANKS.

My Biography:
Carl Strohmeyer

A few of My Aquarium & Pond Business Articles:
*Aquarium Lighting
*Aquarium Nitrogen Cycle
*Pond Care, Information

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