"My Thoughts"

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Does doing the right thing really pay in life?

Does doing the right thing really pay in life?

The answer is no.
The only light I see is when I leave this horrible planet to be with God.
I have spent my life trying to do what is right (with a lot of mistakes on my part along the way), but it has always come back to bite me on the butt each time and always worse each time.

Starting with my 4th grade teacher (and then again the same teacher for 6th grade), this teacher was cruel and affected the rest of my school days and life.
I was a day dreamer and small, she labeled me a vegetable and told the rest of the class I would not amount to anything.
When she asked a question of me and I did not respond how she thought I should, she made sure the class knew that I was a loser.
See: Carl Strohmeyer, Biography

This chased me all through school, even when it no longer was an issue, and kids tacked on more (with her permission it seemed). So I became the little “gay” boy (I wasn’t gay), would could not do anything right. I could not get a date due to this too. My life since school and college has been trying to prove myself over and over and trying to stand up for the little guy, including people who worked under me, problem was People took advantage of this and after a third child was born with a disability (first meningitis, then an Autism diagnosis), my wife had a nervous break down and a person I should not have trusted, came into her, and took advantage of her and my daughter, we since had to leave California for both there sakes.

I saw success in business in the 1980s (especially in my maintenance business), but when I had a landlord with few morals leased another building in our strip mall (under our main street sign) to another LFS who stated to others in the industry that his intention was purely to get our business for free, I knew I was in for a tough time.
I received no community support but I did get support from others in the wholesale side of the business who respected me and my integrity. I took another job from 2:00 AM on so as to not demoralize my staff that I valued very much. We rode this out, but it drove a wedge in my marriage and I got ridiculed for my handling of this by her and others in the community.

Fast forward some more and after finding the Lord, I was told that I had to do anything to save my marriage (my wife was in an affair with a more “manly man”, I am not very big-5’8”, 128 at the time). I asked her what I could do to prove to her my true love, and she said sell the Pet Store. I did, and she handed me divorce papers on Christmas Eve 1988.

I later pursued my ambition of a flying career while still operating my aquarium maintenance business.
During this time I met my current wife (who came from a very dysfunctional family).

In 1993 My largest account (the Bahooka Restaurant, 90 + aquariums) changed owners to a relative with drug issues, this person made obscene overtures to two of my employees to which I stated my employees did not want to return unless there was an apology. None came and I dropped the account.
What happened after this? My wife could not handle the loss of income and along with others at our church blamed this on another of my failures and attempt to win my ex wife back (one of the two before mentioned employees involved was my ex brother in law).

I never quite recovered the great exposure this account brought and the loss of income. My wife also went on a spending spree that only accelerated with the birth of our first child (who had neuro-synsory dysfunction, now asbergers).
With the birth of our second child with feeding disorders and chronic infections, things continued to get worse and I good not work hard enough to take care of family issues (my wife often was not mentally able to take care of the children due to her severe postpartum depression).

My wife developed polycystic ovaries and was told we could never have more kids again.
Well we did have another (we were blessed with a son).
My wife did not want this child and threatened to get an abortion. Thankfully this never happened, but he was born very sickly.

During an early hospital stay he contracted meningitis and everything went downhill from there. My wife had a nervous breakdown, and during a stay in the hospital to try and correct an aspiration problem and connect more equipment too him (which I had to stay with him most of the night when he came home), a few women came over from the church to tell me I needed to do more.
I had already dropped out of flight school (where I had progressed to my multi engine license), and worked early morning hours collecting cardboard to pay off the debts we had built up from medical bills and my wife’s spending issues. But none of this was enough.

After leaving the hospital a man we had met at Church befriended her and this escalated into an affair and an even wilder spending spree with the purchase of even a used car for him using my business credit.
Later as my son improved with his illnesses, other issues arose and he was diagnosed with autism. My wife went up and down in the affair, we did get some counseling, but so many lies were being floated about me, it was hard to keep her intact with the truth.

One person whom a Church charity sent to help her cope was convinced that I was committing “Economic Violence” against my wife and family by trying to keep her on a tight budget of $125 per week (even though 5 years later I do all the shopping and cooking to try and stay ahead economically and only spend $80- $100 per week with 3 growing kids).
This so called counselor called the LA Sheriff on me, but when I pulled out documentation of thousands of dollars of crazy spending (By then I was checking all credit granted, etc. to track this information).
The Deputy saw that this was a farce and told the Counselor so, but she refused to apologize (what an example of Christ, huh) or leave until the Deputy forced her.

Things continued down the slippery slope with her friend now calling children’s services on me to try and get me in trouble a few times and then he sent Gay Porn to everyone he thought I knew (mostly family) to convince them I was hiding a Gay secret (and knowing also that I was teased mercilessly as a child growing up with this since I was dumb enough to share this with my wife).
This went on during most of the Christmas season of 2001. I had to take the legal step of signing custody of my kids to my sister in Grants Pass Oregon at this point in case my kids were to be removed as a preventative recommended by a lawyer.
See Grants Pass Resource:

Then one day we were called to our church nursery to discuss my son’s occasional behavioral issues (they were most brought on by teasing when I quietly watched nearby). We were told we could no longer bring him there, which is what a couple of persons who had been spreading the rumors of all my failures wanted.

This sent my wife who was doing better back over the edge even deeper than before, now my oldest daughter was being exposed to him resulting in a premonition I had before she was even born of her being molested.
I was unaware of this until an employee (my manager) of mine passed a journal of my daughter to me that my daughter had given to her daughter discussing what had happened (although rather vaguely) in the fall of 2002.

At this point I put my house up for sale, intrusted my business to a couple (who would also screw me), and placed my daughter on a plane to Oregon.
In hind site I should have bankrupted out of all the debt my wife and her friend incurred (California has community property laws), but a Lawyer told me if I did the business would be attached and everyone would loose their jobs, so once again I did what I thought was right.

Coming here to Oregon was difficult, I could not even gain the business respect I a least had in California, even recycling trash (non Oregon redemption I would take back to CA. when I had enough) earned me profane ridicule. I finally went work at local business in Grants Pass where I eventually was the Production Manager, but I soon realized that many of the rumors of my “failures” followed me here, likely through the sister church here; Calvary Crossroads.
See: Calvary Crossroads,; A Church used as a Tool for Evil

All my business losses from selling my store, to the Bahooka account loss, to my having sell what was left of my business after the couple I entrusted cleaned me out were somehow brought to bear against me.
I was never allowed to exercise any of my business skills from years of business and a Business management education at Cal Poly, Pomona.

When finally convinced by a friend and co worker to go back and start my own business with her help, she was later convinced via the rumors that I was a failure, and a person to not get involved in any business way with.
I was dependent on a lot of her art and other computer skills to make this business fly, and just like before, I was left out on my own (as usual).

I have tried to gain at least community recognition (I advertised for a year in the local newspaper, often on the front page, to which no sales can be attributed), I have written, blogged, though admittedly keeping a low profile as I personally believe my actions should speak for themselves which did work in the business community in LA, not a false projected image.
None of this has come to fruition. I live in a home that is better described as a 900 square foot shack with payments higher than in LA. I am up all hours writing and researching articles, such as Aquarium Lighting and posting them on the internet (in between still doing the cooking, shopping, and a good portion of the child care.
Please Reference My Aquarium Lighting Article:

I have had a person I met on the internet in the UK (who has advised me immensely) tell me he cannot figure out why I do not have a hundred times the hits I have based on all the articles I have published and the PR6-7 links from the front pages of his site he has provided me. This tells me I am up against something I have no answer for.

Between the Dark premonitions I have (that are often 80 % accurate), the constant abandonment, the hurt for my children (whom I want the best for, but alas my son’s autism is too much for some and my older daughter’s depression is also too much for some), the criticism for every decision in life I make including this move to Oregon (for which I prayed deeply about but also received criticism) drew me even more contempt, and finally the criticism and lack of help I get with my internet business and Groups/ Blogs I started.
This makes every day a challenge, just like the song “Man in the Wilderness” by Styx.

There is much more I could write to fill in many blanks, but they are much too hard.

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