"My Thoughts"

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Respect for Me or my Family

I was watching the movie "We Were Soldiers" (which is one of the best war flicks in my opinion), and one point stood out to me; this was when the officers wives were talking about racism and wife of an African American Officer noted how her husband served and dealt with his poor treatment all the while he served his country with honor (& his life).
She stated that he only gave respect to those who showed him respect.

This comment really hit home for me, as although it is not knew, I never really applied it to myself and my struggles to often deal with my poor treatment (even by family members).

While I realize that what is most important is what God thinks of me and until I accept this in full (in my heart), it will continue to be an issue, even then as Pastor Matt (at Edgewater Christian Fellowship in Grants Pass) commented, such struggles will often only be in remission (such as my struggle with bitterness).
However this helps me since I and my family still must deal with the cold shoulders, lack of respect, and rumors to this day; as blunt as this may be, this is what I simply need to employ with these offenders.

Sadly I have just "taken it" for years (many have pointed this out). Even in my previous employment I simply put up with lies, disrespect and worse (especially with Josh and upper management).

To this day even my nieces (one in particular) show obvious disrespect including still fraternizing with those that have made terribly disrespectful, incorrect comments.
In Facebook this even shows in how my kids are treated, again sadly by family members who refuse to ever interact with me, my wife, or kids.

What is often mind blowing is that in the Aquarium business community I have much respect (not locally in Grants Pass though). In fact I even had a few employees contact me from the past to thank me (this include one from the 1980s who knew how I would often put employees first even in difficult times such as working swap meets at 3 am to keep the cash flowing and not cut staff).

Those who truly know me, know how I have stuck by my wife even though she has never truly recovered from her Postpartum depression since my first daughter was born (she is generally doing well, but she has had severe issues such as in Feb. of 2009).
Even as to my sense of humor I often get little respect from many judgmental individuals, amazingly this is where I get the most compliments form those willing to truly know me.
As an example I remember when we had to leave LA due to severe family issues (affair, threats, more), an office manager at a Medical office I kept an aquarium for commented she would have never known all this was going on as I was always joking with a great sense of humor!

I will use this point of respect (as in the context of this before mentioned movie) to note what positives I have and what I have accomplished with the Lord's Blessing, Grace, Help:

  • I have always treated my employees with respect, as well often paying them well compared to what I payed myself.

  • My business success, especially considering how well my articles/website has done on the Internet as some of the top read such articles worldwide!
    Example, "Aquarium Information":
    Aquarium Information

  • My accomplishments in flying

  • My knowledge of current and past events

  • How well my vendors and similar business contacts respect me

  • How I have put my family's well being well past my dreams and business; this includes giving up flying and leaving my entire business behind to live in a motor home (which gained me severe disrespect here in Grants Pass) for my family.

  • Standing by my wife despite what she put me and my kids through and NEVER dragging her through the mud even when this could have cleared my name at the worst of these times such as during her severe Postpartum depression (during which she was not at all herself and put forth the most evil mis-truths about me with the help of others with bad intentions).
    BTW, this is not at all to through her under the bus, rather anyone who truly cares about her/us would know that this is a medical issue that she to this day acknowledges (with some dysfunctional family issues thrown in since her dad was an abusive alcoholic). For this reason I must look the other way to my needs and how much she needs loving support and not bitterness from me or others.

I could go on, but I or my kids need to remember this when I/we get the cold shoulder from my nieces and extended family on a particular side of the family, the local Grants Pass business community, Judas Christians (such as Josh, Joy, Lauren, Calvary Crossroads, etc.), the GPPD, DHS, and more.
Sources:
*A Church used as a Tool of Evil
*Grants Pass Police; Dishonesty, Alleged Corruption
*DHS, DCS, CPS; Oregon Children Protective Service Abuse of Authority

Sadly, my kids should not have to suffer for these persons ignorance and being tools of evil and maybe by giving ZERO respect back to those with no respect me or my family and what we have had to endure, this will drive this point home.

Finally I would point out that fraternizing with persons that treat us with disrespect (& worse) or have spread rude dishonest comments is no different than fraternizing with a racist even if you claim you are not, AND claiming ignorance of this is not an excuse!

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Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Why even pray anymore

Why even pray anymore?

After finding out that I will need a surgery for which my family cannot afford,

After finding out more rumors about me in my community that have no basis of fact, all the while continuing to spend 80% of my time helping others either online or often quietly as in the case of a friend of my daughters yet getting nothing but criticism,

After a person via myspace basically rubbed my nose in his aquatic business success with his new home and $1000s of dollar aquarium of which not one penny went my way for my help

After a week of nightmares of all my failures,

After giving up my dream of becoming an airline pilot so as to spend more time to care of my family (which I already spent much time) after spending $35,000 and progressing all the way to my Multi-Engine License

After knowing that God made me look the way I do, a skinny little man that most see as either gay or a pervert based on this (I know this to be true based on many comments that found their way back to me and even a couple of letters of my wife to the person that took advantage of her after my son’s birth),

After knowing that I have always treated women/girls with respect, even in high school when the only girl truly interested in my was because I showed her kindness while she was being mercilessly teased, I refused to use this as an opportunity to take advantage of her even though others said I should, YET I am looked at as someone that helps women only to get "into their pants"

After opening my home and wallet to many in need (most often quietly in secret), only to be ridiculed as to my intention or ignoring my family (neither of which is remotely true)

After even being ridiculed for picking up cans in off hours by local businessman in my community (and writing a letter to the editor of my local newspaper to only see it go unpublished)
Reference: Shame on the Grants Pass Courier

After praying fervently for those that I helped but later turned on me based on rumors and I have tried to get them to know what really happened but they seem uninterested in knowing the truth,

After a possible investor in my business that thought I had a great website, but then could not believe the low revenue stated that they thought we were much larger based on what they saw and could not find an explanation for this (mind you this was a large corporation that specializes in finding up and coming businesses),

After a click through rate on my web site adverts of 10% below national average

After knowing the day I am not going to pay back all the $100s I have borrowed just to stay in our crap hole of a house that is a fire trap and uses $400 per month just to heat in the winter for 900 square feet

After knowing this is the tearful week that I had to place my daughter on a plane to get her away from a person and situation that meant her and my family harm and took $80,000 from us that we did not even have (it was credit)

After also knowing that next month is when we had to leave our home and live in a Camper for 18 months for which most around us label me a failure,

After leaving LA, not one friend bothered to call or see us off

After knowing what my teacher for both the 4th and 6th grade said about me,

After my thoughts and many others that feel following God’s Word and honesty prayers seemed to go unheard on election day,

WHERE IS GOD, and maybe I am the failure everyone thinks I am

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